One Thing I Do Not Want To Be As I Grow Old
I’ve been thinking a lot recently about what I want to be and what I don’t want to be as I get older. I crossed over into my 50’s last May and I’m more aware of things I like and things I don’t like about myself. In this post and the next, I’m sharing something I don’t want to be and a few things I want to be as I grow old. Whether you’re in your 20’s, your 80’s, or anything in between, I believe you’ll be encouraged by this two-part series.
Two separate conversations inspired today’s post: one was a conversation with my friend/boss/More Than Roommates co-host (Derek) and the other was a text conversation with one of my sons.
I’ll start with my conversation with Derek. He shared an observation that as individuals age they either become the kindest people around (I’m looking at you, Mr. Rogers) or the curmudgeon everyone wants to avoid (think Mickey from Rocky, Ebenezer Scrooge from A Christmas Carol, and Carl from Up). We laughed hesitantly and shared how we both can see ourselves becoming the curmudgeon if we’re not careful.
Next, I’ll share a bit of a text conversation I had with one of my sons. I texted all four of my sons these two questions a few weeks ago.
What am I getting right or should I do more of as a dad?
What am I doing wrong or should do less?
The two questions come from the book The Digital Fast:40 Days to Detox Your Mind and Reclaim What Matters Most, by Darren Whitehead.
My son’s response to the first question was really encouraging, but here’s part of what he said in response to the second question: “I feel like you complained a good bit in the Watermark days (when we lived in Dallas) and still somewhat often now and that’s a habit I picked up on and have had to unlearn.” My son shared a similar observation with me one year ago (you can read more about it in this post).
These two conversations got my attention. There are a lot of things I don’t want to become as I grow old, but one of them is that I definitely don’t want to be a complainer, now or as an old man.
What Does the Bible Say About Complaining?
A few passages come to mind:
Philippians 2:14 says to do all things without grumbling or complaining.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 talks about giving thanks in all circumstances.
Exodus is FILLED with examples of the people grumbling and complaining about Moses and the Lord as they wandered from Egypt to the Promised Land.
Ephesians 4:29 says that we are to let no unwholesome talk come out of our mouths but only what is helpful for building others up. Grumbling and complaining do not build others up.
If I take a step back and examine my speech and thought patterns, I see so many examples even today of times when I complained or wanted to complain. I recall moments when negative thoughts filled my brain, knowing the only reason they weren’t said aloud is because I was by myself! I complain about others and I complain when things don’t go my way. I complain about my challenges in losing weight and I complain when I don’t get credit for things I think I should get credit for. I even complain about complaining too much!
I see how this spirit creeps into my marriage and as I parent my sons. I see it in the way I can talk with co-workers and couples in our church. I don’t want to be marked by a complaining spirit in any of my roles. I want to be grateful to the Lord. No one is drawn to others who complain. No spouse wishes their spouse complained more and no child wants to grow up with parents who constantly whine.
I’m thankful for my conversation with Derek and for my text exchange with my son. I don’t want to be the old curmudgeon. And I don’t think you do either.
So what do we do about it?
Here are a few suggestions to help. I am preaching to the choir right now!
1. Ask God to help you. This is a supernatural challenge that we can’t do well apart from the Lord. Ask Him to help your speech be marked by encouragement and gratitude and not complaining or grumbling.
2. Ask others close to you if they see you as someone who complains. Seek their input and don’t respond with a defensive posture. Challenge each other and help hold each other accountable to not become people who complain.
I confessed my struggle to my friend Wes earlier today. I asked him to help me and to lovingly confront me if I grumble and complain. And to be honest, simply shining a light on the struggle and inviting him in means I’ll be more aware of the times I want to complain.
3. Memorize scripture. Scripture memory is probably my favorite spiritual discipline and I recently memorized a few verses about envy and gratitude (Colossians 3:15, James 3:16, Psalm 103:2). I want to be thankful, not envy others. Envy leads me to complain.
A quote from John Mark Comer’s new book Practicing the Way confirms the conversations above. Comer writes:
“We’re not all following the same path. Case in point: elderly people. Most people over the age of eighty are either the best or the worst people you know….Most twentysomethings I know are just kind of mid, as my teenage kids would say. They aren’t saints or potential terrorists; they’re just normal. This isn’t true of most elderly people I know. Run through your mental rolodex of people past eighty: Most of them are either the most gracious, happy, grateful, patient, loving, self-giving people you know, just happy to be alive and sitting in the room with you, or the most bitter, manipulative, spiteful people you know, oozing emotional poison into their family lines and reveling in others’ pain. Sure, some are in the middle of the bell curve, but most are noticeably to one side.”
He goes on to say that this doesn’t happen accidentally or overnight but because we’re being formed along the way. We’re the product of decisions we’ve made in the past and decisions we make today. Which way do I want to be formed? Do I want to be a kind man, now and when I’m old, or do I want to be a curmudgeon? This starts today for every one of us.
Today’s post is part 1 in a 2-part series. In the next post I’ll share a verse I’ve been thinking about for over a year now as well as a few things I DO want to be as I grow old.
Your Turn:
Is your speech and are your thoughts marked by kindness and encouragement or complaints and grumbling?
How do you effort to be marked by gratitude and not complaining? Please share any thoughts/wisdom/scripture below.