What the Brady Bunch Got Wrong
Dad has three boys and mom has three girls. One day this lady met this fellow and they knew it was much more than a hunch... you know the rest of the story. They marry, move in together, never talk about their biological parents, hit puberty, share a bathroom, never struggle, and for the most part, really love one another. Except, of course, for "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!"
While blended family life can be fantastic, the writers of the Brady Bunch didn't show us the full picture. The writers of the Brady Bunch got it wrong because blended family life can be extremely challenging. Some of us know this first hand, while others can attest to the challenges from families around us.
After my dad died of heart disease and my mom remarried, I grew up in a blended family. I felt like I was the only one I knew raised in a blended home. Sometimes I would look around and think I was all alone, and no one could understand what I was going through. Seemingly, everyone else I knew had a ‘normal’ family, with one biological mom, one biological dad, and their biological siblings.
Of course this could not be further from the truth. In fact, according to Ron Deal, step family expert, 40% of couples with children nationally are step couples and 100 million people in the US have a step-relationship of some kind. And we ALL know someone who is in a blended family.
While growing up in a step family, there were definitely many challenges we experienced, including discipline, extended family, and holidays/traditions. I grew up in a very healthy blended family, and I can’t imagine the challenges many other step families face, including challenging ex-spouses, discipline differences, spiritual challenges in different homes and a desire to stay anonymous in the local church.
Stepfamilies often feel spiritually marginalized, experience guilt and shame, and often have a hard time fitting into the normal rhythm of the local church. Personally I know we have many opportunities to grow and improve in our ministry to the blended family at Watermark Community Church.
This past week, the marriage team from Watermark gathered together with the marriage ministry teams from five other churches across the country at a Leadership Network Marriage Ministry Leadership Community. We spent a few days together discussing and collaborating on marriage ministry in the local church.
Ron Deal spoke at the leadership community and shared the state of the step family in America today. If you are a part of a step family or help lead the marriage ministry in your church, please check out Ron’s book, The Smart Stepfamily. Also, do yourself a favor and check out all their great resources. I’d also encourage you to watch this video from Ron Deal and the Blended Family arm of Family Life. Ron loves Jesus and does a great job of speaking to the challenges and realities of the blended family.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=co9AnETNiMA
Stepfamily ministry is a must in the 21st century church. Why? Because a healthy stepfamily:
breaks the cycle of redivorce in the blended family,
supports healthy child development, and
prevents divorce in the next generation by providing a new model of life-long Biblical marriage to children (Ron Deal).
Last, click here for some articles, statistics, and resources for the blended family from Ron Deal.
Ron once shared a few very powerful numbers: 30% of couples are stepfamilies, 60% will divorce, but 80% will do well if they have a plan and great support around them. If you are a part of a blended family or lead in the local church, please check out some of the resources from Ron Deal.
Your Turn:
Are you in a blended family? What can you do to take some steps of growth in your immediate step family?
If you are not in a blended family, who do you know who could benefit from some of the blended family resources? How can your church do a better job of reaching, caring for and equipping blended families?