Performing for the Approval of the Crowd
Keeping it short and sweet today and slightly off the marriage/relationship topic...
When I started writing, "People" warned me of some of the challenges I would face.
"You'll run out of stuff to write."
"You won't be able to keep up the writing pace."
"There's so much other good stuff out there - why one more blog?"
Today I face two of the biggest challenges I was promised would come my way:
1. Classic Writer's Block: I don't know what to say or how to say it. The words are clear in my head but like garbage on the screen. Or even, my brain stopped working and fingers can't type.
2. Massive insecurities: I don't know what I'm talking about. Who am I to write? Who am I to please the "crowd" and impress others? I am insecure of what to say. Someone else has already said it much better than me. On and on and on... the voices are wreaking havoc in my head.
"People" were right.
Writing is one of the hardest things I have ever done. There is incredible pressure I place on myself; pressure to write something great and profound, pressure to impress you and make you think highly of me, pressure to be grammatically sound AND creative AND ridiculously insightful all at the same time.
The solution:
1. Be authentic and stay real.
This post says it so well: Stop Trying to be Original and Start Being Yourself. I need to stop worrying so much about what other people think and instead resist the need and desire to be profound. The pressure to produce has prevented me from posting blogs and sharing posts. The scariest moment in my week is right before I click the little red "Publish" button on the blog. Moving forward, I just want to find my voice, be authentic, help others, and most importantly, speak Truth.
2. Start loving you more.
Start loving the reader. Quit my narcissistic, self-focused love, and rather serve the reader. How can I best help you? What would challenge, inspire and encourage you? Jesus modeled loving and serving others perfectly as we see in Philippians 2:3-4 and Mark 10:42-45.
3. Stop caring what you think of me.
I am riddled by insecurities, fears, comparison, and what if's. What if you don't like what I write? What if someone else gets more hits and views on their blog? What if blah blah blah... enough. I care way too much about what this small crowd and others think of me.
Maybe for you it's something different. Maybe it's changing careers, moving, or something you need to change in your marriage. What is it for you? How are your insecurities holding you back from taking the step God wants you to take?
Thanks for letting me share this. It has been a really busy few weeks and I have allowed my busyness and insecurities crowd out my desire and drive to write.
Your Turn:
What would be helpful to you? Any topics I should address?
What do you do when you hear the voices that tell you you're not good enough? What scripture do you turn to?