Do You Talk To Yourself in light of the Way God Sees You?
A co-worker and I recently met with a woman whose heart was heavy with concern for her grown son. She shared a bit about the struggles he faced—not just in his circumstances, but in the way he spoke about himself. He had confided to her, “I am worthless. I’m like a pile of garbage. I hate everything about myself.” Hearing this was heartbreaking, and we grieved alongside her.
As parents, not much hits us harder than hearing our children say things that tear themselves down. If they could only see themselves the way we see them—with an unconditional, selfless, Christlike love—maybe they’d understand their true worth.
After the meeting ended, a surprising thought struck me. My own self-talk is sometimes not that far off from what this young man said about himself. While I don’t use the same harsh words, there are days I’m stunned at the negativity that fills my mind. I tell myself things I’d never dream of saying to anyone else or about anyone else:
“Scott, how could you be so dumb? No one else would make that mistake.”
“Scott, no one really likes or respects you.”
“Scott, those negative things that couple said about you are probably true.”
Why is it that we’re often so quick to extend grace to others but so reluctant to offer that same grace to ourselves?
In Ephesians 4:29, Paul writes, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” The Greek word Paul uses for “unwholesome” means rotten or putrid—like rancid fish. In other words, don’t let any foul, rotting words leave your lips. Instead, use words that build others up and benefit those who hear them.
This principle applies to how we speak about ourselves just as much as it does to others. Do not let destructive, rotten talk about yourself take root in your mind. So often, we allow self-critical thoughts to linger, even though we’d never think or say those same things about others. Yet God doesn’t want that for us.
Recently, I heard someone say that the value of something is determined by what someone is willing to pay for it. The base model of a Tesla Model 3, for example, is worth around $40,240 because that’s the price people are willing to pay.
But think about this: your value, and mine, is beyond measure. God Himself determined your worth by paying the ultimate price—the life of His only Son. We are of unimaginable value because we were bought at an immeasurable cost. So why, then, do we speak about ourselves as though we had no value?
Since this is active battle for me, I decided to lean in to two strategies to help change the way I talk to/about myself.
One strategy is to lean in to Paul’s wisdom in 2 Corinthians 10:5. Paul writes, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” When a negative thought comes to mind or comes out of my mouth, I’m asking God to help me take that thought captive to the obedience of Christ. I’m asking God to help me destroy the lie and replace it with truth.
Second, a tool that’s helping me is Jennie Allen’s 100-day devotional, Stop the Spiral: 100 Days of Breaking Free from Negative Thoughts. It’s been such a powerful reminder that we can—and should—seek freedom from the patterns of self-criticism that hold us back. Every day’s short devotional is a reminder, challenge, and prayer to deal with my negative thoughts.
I’m very much a work in progress. But I’m reminded again and again that God wants me to see myself through His eyes—loved, valued, and worthy. Let’s strive to think about ourselves the way our Creator does, and let His view be the final word on our worth.
Your Turn:
How do you break the cycle of negative thoughts that run through your head, heart, and mouth?
Is there anything you could share with others to encourage them?