Don’t Wish It Away and Don’t Wish It To Stay
This new post might appear to be focused on parents and kids, but there are some lessons in here for everyone—single, married, parents, grandparents, and everything in between.
Like many parents, we sent our kids back to school this past week. Our four young men all started school or moved into their homes/dorms last week. Duncan moved into his house at Baylor (junior in college), Drew moved back on campus at Belmont (junior in college), Carson began his senior year in high school, and Lincoln started his sophomore year.
For many parents (and even kids) it’s an emotional week. Whether your kids started their first week of Pre-K, elementary school, middle school, high school, or college, back to school always brings high emotions and lots of change. Summer is gone, and while the fall brings great things like college football, most kids and many parents dread the end of summer.
I sent this text to my friend on August 9th: “We’re minutes away from packing Drew’s car. He and Kristen drive to Memphis today. Duncan and I are headed to Dallas. Lincoln going to see Forrest frank in ATX with a bunch of people tonight (adults and kids), and Carson going to Austin with one of his buddies to shop. Felt like just a few months ago the 6 of us would pile into a car and do everything together. 😢.”
And I remember some of those days so well. To be honest, I dreaded many of them. I couldn’t wait until my kids were all sleeping through the night, or out of diapers, or in school, or out of elementary school, or had their driver’s license, or 10 other things. I wished it all away and couldn’t wait for the next season.
When my twins started middle school, my attitude began to change. I wanted time to STOP. School began to fly by and once they got their driver’s licenses they were gone all the time. I didn’t want them to be so busy or leave for college or work at camp all summer. I just wanted them all back in the house under one roof. I wished it all to stay.
I realized I was wishing away seasons I will never get back and wishing to stay seasons that need to move forward. My kids will never curl up in my lap and my older boys will probably not live under our roof for long periods of time outside of holidays. My sons are in a good season of life where they’re making lifelong friends, pursuing relationships with women, and moving forward on a career path. And while we loved having our twins home for 5-10 days at the end of the summer, we don’t want them to stay—they have their own lives to live.
A few passages come to mind as I’ve been thinking about this tension of not wishing it away or wishing it to stay:
James 4:13-15 says, “Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15 Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”
Matthew 6:34 says, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
Ephesians 5:15-16 says, “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.”
So what does this all mean for you and for me?
1. If it’s a good season, thank God for it! If kids are doing well, you’re enjoying your singleness, or if the nest as empty and you’re loving your new freedoms, then thank the Lord for it and enjoy every minute of it. Don’t feel guilty about the good seasons. More than likely it may pass soon, so soak it in! I think of Ecclesiastes 9:9a - “Enjoy life with the wife whom you love...”
2. If it’s a hard season, lean into the Lord. Ask Him what He wants you to learn right now. Sometimes I/we want to rush past the tough stuff, but maybe the Lord wants you to learn something in those difficult, more challenging days. In 1 Peter 4:19, Peter writes, “So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should comit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.”
3. If you’re really struggling, it’s okay to ask God to help you move through it. Ask for help from the Lord and from others. Don’t isolate or try to fight on your own. Sometimes we need encouragement (Hebrews 3:13). And sometimes we need to be humble enough to seek help from others (James 4:6).
As we move towards the fall (I know it doesn’t feel like it for many of us - it was 105 degrees in Waco yesterday), may this post be a good reminder to not wish the season away nor wish it to stay.
Your Turn:
How do you balance the tension of not wishing your life away nor wishing it all to stay the same?