Our Father (in Law) who art in Heaven
I am a huge fan of Gary Thomas’ books and writing. I read almost every blog post he writes and his books Sacred Marriage and Every Body Matters are among my favorite books I have ever read (by anyone).
I just started reading his new book, A Lifelong Love. According to Thomas, “Sacred Marriage gave a picture of the destination (holiness). This book [A Lifelong Love] is the road map of how to get there. Sacred Marriage spoke of the character God builds in us through marriage; A Lifelong Love addresses the intimacy that awaits us if we will lay hold of God’s promises and spiritual provisions.”
In part one, Thomas addresses what/who should be our Magnificent Obsession in marriage. I believe if you grasp this concept of the Magnificent Obsession, it should change everything in your relationship. The concept I want you to grasp is that 'when you realize you are married to God's son or daughter, everything about how you view marriage changes.'
I’ve got to be honest - when I read this, I felt crushed. I mean… I am so selfish at times. I love me well and fail to love her well. And this selfishness holds me back from loving Kristen like God designed me to love her.
James writes, in James 4:1-3, “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.”
The reason we fight and quarrel is because of the selfish desires that battle and wage war within us. We fight because we want something we don’t have. We want what we want, when we want it. If this doesn’t happen, we fight and we quarrel. We tolerate each other, we live unhappily every after, or we get divorced.
The solution is that we need to see both our desires and our spouse differently.
Kristen is not just my wife, and she’s not just my in-law’s daughter or the mother to our children. More than anything, she is God’s daughter, and I am to treat her accordingly.
Yes, God is our Father (who art in Heaven). But as a believer in Christ, He is also our Father-in-Law, because He is the Father to your spouse.
I know the best way to win over my in-laws is to treat their daughter (and God’s daughter) with value and worth, and to serve and love her like Christ loved the church. While I don’t literally have to die for Kristen, I do, metaphorically, have the opportunity to love her in a Christlike way (Ephesians 5:25-27). She has enormous value. She is loved and she was bought with a price (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).
Do you treat and love your spouse with value? How would it change your relationship if you loved your significant other as the Father loves His child?
I want to please the Lord with my life and my actions, not as a way to earn His affection, but as a response to His love and affection for me. One of the best ways I can show Him my love and obedience is by loving His daughter well, the one He has given to me until death do us part. The one He died for and the one He bought at a price.
This truth sobers me. It sickens me at times for the ways I fall short. It inspires and encourages me to press on and to keep loving His daughter well.
I don’t know about you, but I need this reminder… every day. Because if I don’t, I am just going to love a whole lot of me, and not much of His daughter and His sons (who are also my sons). We all know this works. When you love your spouse well, things tend to go well for you. Not always, but most of the time. Persevere, be patient and be steadfast (James 5:7-11).
To drive this point home even more, Thomas writes about how he wants his own children to love and be loved by their spouse. I understand this desire. I want my boys when/if they grow up and get married, to cherish and value the wife God gives to them. Also, I want them to be loved and respected by their wife. I want them to marry someone who helps them become more like Christ and provides companionship, fun, and joy.
Thomas says, “I am magnificently obsessed with this God, and one of the things He wants more particularly is for me to take care of His little girl.”
Your Turn:
Here’s what I’d like for you to do. Ask yourself: Am I treating my spouse as if he or she is God’s son or daughter? Do I serve my spouse well? Do I put their needs before my own? Is my love conditional or do I unconditionally love, value, serve and cherish them as God’s son or daughter.
What is one thing you can do today to show that you value God’s son or daughter, the one who you call your spouse?