How Eating a Breadstick Caused Me To Fail (and What I Learned From It)

On Saturday night I did my best impression of Esau from the Bible and gave up my birthright for a pot of stew.

OK, maybe that’s a little dramatic. I messed-up in a 30-day challenge by eating a cold, stale breadstick.

As some of you know, I recently finished 75 Hard and was 25 days into Phase 1 of the Live Hard program. In Phase 1, you do all the requirements of 75 Hard along with a few other tasks. If you’re interested, these additional tasks include a 5-minute cold shower, 10 minutes of visualization, and three other daily tasks. Instead of the 75 days of 75 Hard, Phase 1 is only 30 days. But that’s not the point of this post.

The point is that I was crushing it on Phase 1. And then I failed. Late Saturday night I decided to eat a crappy breadstick from Little Ceasar’s. Kristen got the boys some pizza and breadsticks for dinner and while putting the leftovers away, I snuck one breadstick and ate it. I later ate an almond butter biscuit.

I planned on telling no one. No one saw me eat them, and I went to bed and slept like a baby. 25 days done, five more to go.

Sunday morning I woke up early to have a quiet time. As soon as I sat down at the dining room table, my brain stopped working. I couldn’t remember any of the verses I’ve memorized this year. I tried journaling, but nothing came out. I attempted some reading from a book but nothing stuck with me. It was like my body and brain were shutting down.

Later that morning, I was supposed to speak to a group of ministry interns at church. My topic: Authenticity.

The irony. Here I am, about to speak about the importance of authenticity and I was planning on lying about my eating. Again, no one would know. It was one, small, tiny bending of the rules. If you mess up, at all, you have to start over. I rationalized my choices in my head—it wasn’t a big deal, and again, no one would know.

My conscience would have none of it. I knew. The Lord knew.

So there I sat, a failure. I messed up because I couldn’t say “no” to a cold, stale breadstick. The thoughts started to flood my brain for the next few minutes:

“I’ll never change.”

“I’ll always be a failure.”

“I have no discipline.”

The downward spiral started and shame began to kick in. I knew I needed to get out of this shame cycle.

What Did I Do After I Failed?

1) Invite Others In.

Before I chickened out and tried to move forward (deceptively, might I add), I texted my wife and a few friends. I told them I messed up and failed in my eating. I told them I was frustrated at myself, but that I would be okay! I confessed my sin of hiding what I’d done. I’d process next steps with Kristen and get back to it. Proverbs 15:22 says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”

2) Replace the lies with truth.

My biggest problem is my thought life. Even more challenging than my eating and health issues. I knew I had to renew my mind and my thinking.

I CAN change and I have changed. I am NOT a failure. I AM disciplined. I had to take those negative, wrong thoughts captive and remind myself of what’s right and true. Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 10:5, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

This provided me with a good opportunity to celebrate all God has done in me and all the great decisions I’d made the last 25 days. And it provided me with a reminder that His love is never conditional on my performance.

3) Ask myself what I can learn from this failure.

As I look back to Saturday night, there are a few things I would do different.

First, I was struggling with cravings all day and I even confessed them to Kristen a few times. But, I still would have asked for more help. I would have asked Kristen or one of the boys to put the breadsticks away. I would have told them I couldn’t be alone with food that evening. I could have called some friends and asked them to pray and hold me accountable. But I did none of those things. I pridefully thought I could make it on my own. Again, Paul writes, “So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!” (1 Corinthians 10:12).

Second, I got frustrated with one of my sons over something really minor. I snapped at him, thinking I was right and he was wrong. I knew I needed to apologize to him, but I chose not to in the moment. Looking back, I think I wallowed in some self-pity and started to question my ability to parent well. Hindsight 20/20, I would have apologized more quickly to him and sought his forgiveness.

My friends Adam and Clay referenced a powerful interview they had seen with the late Kobe Bryant. In this 4-minute video, Kobe talks about failure and the importance of learning from your failed attempts. I’d link to it, but there is some bad language in the video. Anyway, Kobe talks about the importance of learning from our failures. Check out Adam & Clay’s podcast episode, Kobe Bryant’s Thoughts on Failure. SO helpful in reminding us to learn from our mistakes and failures.

4) Be kind to myself.

I thought through how I would respond to a friend who did what I did. I would be sad for them, but I would remind them of what’s true. I’d encourage them and offer to pray with them and for them. I’d be kind to them.

But I certainly did not want to be kind to myself. I had to remind myself of the Lord’s kindness. It’s the kindness of the Lord that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4). Why would I be kind to someone else but beat myself up? It was the kindness of the Lord (through the conviction of the Holy Spirit) that lead me to confess in the first place.

So what about you?

I know this is so small in the big picture. I ate a breadstick and the consequences are minimal. But what if you lied to your spouse? What if you got caught in a sin, or looked at porn, or had an affair?

While the consequences might be very different, i’d encourage you to take some of the same steps I took.

Admit your sin to others. Confess and widen the circle. James 5:16.

Replace the lies with truth. You are not defined by your decisions or your sin. What does God say about you?

Start to think through what you learned in the process. What do you need to do different the next time around?

And then show yourself the same kindness the Lord shows you. Love is kind (1 Corinthians 13:4). Kindness is among the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). And again, the kindness of the Lord leads to repentance. Thank the Lord for prompting you to confess your failure, or thank Him for His mercy and kindness that allowed your sin to be exposed. You may not want to thank Him now, but it is a kindness that a failure is brought into the light.

Your Turn:

What would you add to what I shared above? How else do you walk through failure?