The 'One Thing' That Can Most Impact Your Marriage

This might be the most self-centered post I have written yet. Typically I try to write with the reader in mind so I can help you. After all, the tagline above says it best - scottkedersha.com is about dating and marriage counsel for the premarried and married.

This time around, I need some help. I am writing with ME in mind. But I still have you in mind. I need some help, and I'm guessing you might need some help as well.

You know how sometimes God seems to (lovingly) hit you from all sides with the same message over and over again? He’s definitely doing this to me right now and I can’t get away from this one thing!

Why do you and I both need help? What is this ‘one thing’ I'm talking about? I’ll tell you shortly….

• Andy Stanley, lead pastor of North Point Community Church, says if you do this one thing in your marriage, “You’ll Be Glad You Did.” He calls it The Secret Sauce in marriage.

• My friends Jim and Judy Wimberley, who have been married for over 50 years, say this is the one thing that has made all the difference in their marriage. This one habit has had a greater impact on their lives and family than anything else!

• In the book The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg writes about the 'keystone habit.' The keystone habit is the habit which helps establish other habits. Think of dominoes. The keystone habit is the first domino that starts a chain reaction of falling dominos. For many of us, going to bed early and getting up early is the keystone habit to starting your day well. Pastor and author Craig Groeschel, in his book From This Day Forward, says this 'one thing' is the keystone habit that creates forward momentum in your life and marriage which leads you to other good habits.

• I shared before that this is the first thing I would change or do differently in our marriage if we got married today. This is the one habit that every husband in my community group says they stink at.

What is the thing “you’ll be glad you did”? The 'one thing' that has had the greatest impact in a 50-year marriage?  The keystone habit that leads to other good habits in marriage?

You probably guessed it.

The 'one thing' is praying together with your spouse.

I'm not good at leading my wife in prayer. This is why I need some help. A recent study by Family Life showed that only about 8% of Christian couples said they prayed together regularly out loud. Only 8%! This is why I think we both need some help. The study also showed that out of the 8% who pray together regularly out loud, less than 1% divorce! Why would married couples not pray together on a regular basis? Why has it taken me so long into marriage and into life as a marriage pastor to finally get it?

I shared about prayer a few months back. I believe we overcomplicate prayer in marriage. Somehow we believe the lie that if we can’t pray for long periods of time then we shouldn’t pray at all. It’s really simple: talk to God, with your spouse. Be still and quiet and listen to Him. He won’t speak in an audible voice, but He will communicate with you through His Word, His Spirit and His people. However, you must make time, both short and longer chunks of time, to be still before Him, with your spouse.

Application

I am tired of saying I want to do this and doing nothing about it. The reason why this is a selfish post is because I am looking for some fellow soldiers who will join me on this journey. I need some accountability and community. And maybe, more than anything, going public with this desire will provide some of the accountability I need to lead my wife and marriage in prayer.

The application is nothing groundbreaking or original, but it can be life-changing and marriage-revolutionizing! Please join me for 30 days of prayer with your spouse. I started with Kristen on Sunday, so I am already a few days in, but I won’t officially kick-off the 30 day challenge until the day this post goes live.

For those of you who don’t know how to pray: just start. Andy Stanley says:

1. Short and awkward is better than long and flawless! This is especially true for those of you who have never prayed out loud before. Be honest and don’t feel the need to pray long, awkward prayers.

2. Pray with each other, not AT each other. Prayer is not your opportunity to verbally bash your spouse in prayer.

3. Pray together with your children. Pray together for your children.

Who’s with me?

Bonus

If you're looking for extra reading/resources on prayer, check out the article Ten Questions on Prayer with Tim Keller from Desiring God featuring Tim Keller.

And... for even more goodness, check out Tim Keller's new book called Prayer: Experiencing Awe and Intimacy with God. I can't wait to dive into this one!