How can a dad best lead his children and home?
About one week ago, our family had one of those evenings we wish we could forget. I can't remember what started the arguing, but before I knew it, the six of us escalated to the point of tears, yelling and me throwing a handful of chocolate chips across the kitchen. Fortunately, one of my twins (Drew) had the maturity to gently ask me if this (flying chips, tears and yelling) was the way we wanted to resolve conflict in our home. Game, set, match: Drew.
All this to say, no one needs this series on spiritual leadership in the home more than me. A few weeks ago, a friend asked me this question: "When you think of a spiritual leader in the home, paint me a picture of what that would look like?".
In Part 1, I shared the role of the spiritual leader in first leading himself, so that he can best lead others. Part 2 detailed what it looks like for a godly man to lead his wife.
Today in Part 3, I share 8 specific ways how the godly husband can best lead his children and home.
A spiritual leader prays WITH his children. He models prayer with his children since they will not learn how to pray unless they see it modeled for them (Proverbs 22:6). Practically, this means a dad can pray before meals with his family, pray with his children before they go to bed, and model prayer throughout the day when his children seek his wisdom and counsel.
He also knows how to pray FOR his children. Every year I pray a specific verse for each of my boys, praying according to their needs and the current condition of their hearts.
A spiritual leader puts the needs of his wife and children above his own (Philippians 2:3-4) and he follows the example of Jesus (Philippians 2:5-11). Somehow I think if my kids could figure this one out, the rest of life would make a whole lot more sense. If I could help them know Jesus, follow Him and point others towards Him, then the rest will work itself out. I could say the same for my spiritual leadership.
A spiritual leader makes his marriage and his home a FUN place. He makes his marriage the most life-giving relationship possible and he makes his home the most fun place for his children. Practically, this means he plays with his kids, reads to them, watches movies and sports, shoots hoops, plays catch, wrestles and dates his children. He prioritizes his children (after he gets time with his wife) and spends one-on-one time with them.
A spiritual leader takes responsibility even if it’s not his fault.
My friend John McGee provides a great illustration here. Let’s say my six-year old throws a baseball through the kitchen window. He knows he’s not supposed to throw the ball in the house, so the broken window is his fault. Yet, I would be a fool to expect Lincoln to get on his bike, buy a window, bike it back home and replace the window on his own. Rather, as the leader of the home, even when it’s not my fault, it’s my responsibility to fix the window.
Similar, in marriage when an issue arises in the home, even if it's not the husband's fault, its his responsibility to make sure the conflict gets resolved, or at least to initiate the process of restoration.
A spiritual leader cares for his children (Ephesians 6:4) and provides for his family’s needs (1 Timothy 5:8). At the same time, he does not get caught up in comparison (Keeping up with the Jones’) and models contentment and joy (Philippians 4:11-13, 1 Thessalonians 5:16). He seeks first God’s kingdom and righteousness, not the next big thing from Best Buy. He is a cheerful giver who loves to lavish great (note: not expensive) gifts to his wife and children (2 Corinthians 9:7, Matthew 7:7-11).
A spiritual leader knows when, how and why to discipline his children. When a father rightly disciplines his child(ren) it is a sign of love, not punishment (Proverbs 3:11-12, Hebrews 12:5-7).
A spiritual leader brings Jesus into every part of his life and home. He doesn’t quarantine God’s Word to Sunday mornings or community group. Rather, he talks about Jesus during meals, at bedtime, and all throughout the day (Deuteronomy 6:4-8). He makes decisions in all areas of his family's life (finances, parenting, scheduling, activities, etc.) that align with scripture.
A spiritual leader models a Christlike faith in the community. He initiates not just in his own home but in the neighborhood, as a coach and in his kid's school. For example, my friend Tim initiated a prayer time the night before school started for dads in the neighborhood. Tim demonstrated leadership in the community, but also modeled what this looks like in front of his wife and kids.
What's Next?
As I stated in Part 1 of this series, if you don’t know where to start or if you’re overwhelmed, I get it. My challenge all along the way has been for you to simply take one step towards being the spiritual leader God desires for you to be and that your family needs. You’re not alone in the battle.
Go through the ‘Your Turn’ questions below, commit to and take one step towards being the spiritual leader with your children and home.
Your Turn:
Take some time to read through each one of the scripture references above. I intentionally did not include the scripture so that you would need to make some effort to read God’s Word.
Pray. Where are you doing well? Where do you need to grow? What is ONE step you can take to better lead your children and home?
Have your spouse read this post. If you are a wife, lovingly suggest your husband read this post. If you are a husband, ask your wife how she thinks you are doing in leading your children and home. Do not be defensive in your response! Rather listen, thank her for the feedback, and learn.