The Biggest Regret of Your Wedding Day...

In Part 1 of this mini-series on wedding planning for engaged couples, we discussed what each member of our Merge Late Night panel most remembered (in a favorable light) from their wedding day. I loved their responses, all of which I believe will help engaged couples prepare for their wedding ceremony/reception.

In Part 2 we answer the question, “What do you regret or what things would you do differently on your wedding day/preparation looking back?” Again, I polled the panel for their honest responses to the above question. Below are each of their responses:

1. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff : This specific response came up several times from a few different panelists. One panelist said some of their favorite moments of the wedding weekend came from the things that were a disaster (I.e. Their Groom’s cake was crooked and looked amateur. I believe the exact phrase was “It looked like a 2-year old made it!”).

Go with the flow. Not everything will go your way. While the details of the wedding day are important, keep your focus on Jesus. I loved this quote: “Not everything will go your way, yet a few hours later, you will wake up and you’re married!”

2. The Need for Perfection: One of the panelists commented on how much she focused not only on the small stuff, but also in getting all bent out of shape and frustrated when things didn’t go as planned or hoped. She said she focused way too much on all the wrong things. If she could do the day over, she said she would relax, be much more laid back, and focus more on the marriage than the wedding day.

Inevitably, something will go wrong on your wedding day. You can’t control the outcomes from all of your vendors, guests and wedding party. Be prepared for unmet expectations on the small things.

3. Nothing! Because of the hard work this couple did beforehand and the difficult decisions made in the preparation and planning side, this member of the panel would not have changed a thing! Definitely a refreshing perspective!

4. Better conflict resolution on the wedding prep side! This individual said the most fights he and his spouse had in their entire relationship came during the wedding prep/decision-making process. They didn’t communicate well, didn’t listen to the other person (Proverbs 18:2), and both were too selfish in the wedding prep process. Decision making led to conflict because they both wanted their own way.

Remind yourselves to practice what you learned in your marriage prep class (I.e. something like Merge). Remind yourselves what and Who the marriage and wedding day is for.

5. Smaller Wedding Size: One panelist said they didn’t know who they would have cut from the wedding guest list, but this panelist wishes the wedding size was smaller so that they could have had more meaningful conversations with their guests. The wedding day flies by, so this panelist wishes they could have visited with more guests.

6. People-pleasing: One panelist said she had a tough time making decisions and it actually caused conflict with her mom along the way. As referenced in #4 above, your wedding day prep can include conflict. If you are a people-pleaser, you will have trouble making decisions and you will inevitably disappoint someone. Galatians 1:10 reminds us that we cannot please both God and man (woman).

Along the way, this couple wished they “dated’ each other more in the wedding day prep process. They did, however, memorize Ephesians 4:3, which helped keep them grounded and unified. (Ephesians 4:3: Maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace).

7. Rehearsal dinner: This was my response. We had a small rehearsal dinner and I wished it was bigger. Now as I officiate weddings, the rehearsal dinner is often my favorite part of the wedding weekend: smaller, more intimate, and usually filled with great stories/memories. The rehearsal gives you the opportunity to create more memories, tell stories, and allows the gospel to be proclaimed to non-believers. The rehearsal provides followers of Christ the opportunity to share Jesus with others.

8. For the Premarried (and the most important one on the list) - Choose Wisely. More to come on this one, but marriage is the most important human relationship you will ever have. Do not compromise, and make sure you do not choose to marry someone in isolation from the input of others.

Making an unwise decision on who to marry will make all else on this list pale in comparison...

If you are married and struggling, please check out re|engage to get some help in your marriage.

9. Bonus: Kristen and I got married the week of 9/11. Obviously 9/11 affected our nation significantly in countless ways. Around 50 of our guests weren’t able to travel to make it to our wedding. I still remember how well my wife handled the chaos of this crazy week.

Here is one thing I don’t regret: we gave people hope. The message during the service and our love for one another provided hope. 1 Corinthians 13 (one of the most-quoted passages at weddings) includes verse 13: “So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” Show them faith, hope, and love.

Your wedding day provides people the opportunity to be reminded of the Greatest Hope the world has ever seen or known. His name is Jesus. You will not regret making your wedding day about Him.

Your Turn (Please share in the comments section!):

For the Marrieds: What do you regret or wish you had done differently on your wedding day/preparation?