What are the Top Lessons I Learned in My 2018 Survey?
A few weeks ago, I posted my third annual scottkedersha.com reader survey. 149 people finished the survey and provided some encouraging and helpful feedback on this site. I created the survey to learn more about the average reader and to get feedback on what people like, don’t like, and want more (or less) of in the future.
Thank you to those of you who took the survey and provided feedback. I’m grateful for your time and feedback.
In this post, I’ll:
Provide some reader demographics
Share the most common challenges faced by couples (where I’ll solicit some feedback from you).
Discuss next steps and conclusions. Whether you took the survey or not, I’d love for you to read through to the end of this post to get some reminders on the importance of the decisions you’re making as a couple.
Reader Demographics
Gender: 52% female, 48% male. I’m encouraged by the high percentage of male readers. People often (incorrectly) say men don’t read. The fact that readers on the site are almost 50/50 male/female encourages me.
Age: A good age variety of readers from less than 24 years old to greater than 51 years old, with the highest percentage of readers in the 25-32 year-old range (similar to last year).
Relationship Status: The highest percentage of readers are married folks (84%, slightly higher than last year), followed by 10% of readers in the seriously dating/engaged category. Of married couples:
50% say they’re “having a blast”.
15% are stressed and overwhelmed.
20% are either disengaged, bored, arguing, or blaming one another.
Kids/No Kids: Around the same percentages as last year—61% of readers have kids, with the highest percentage of kids in the infant/toddler and preschool age range.
Geography: While less people took the survey compared to 2017 (thanks to Facebook’s algorithm), people from 29 different states took the survey (up 50% from last year). The majority come from Texas (#TexasForever).
The 6 Most Common Challenges Couples Face
On the survey I asked readers this question:
What’s your #1 challenge in your dating/marriage relationship?
In no particular order, here are the top 6 answers on the board.
Time management. How can anyone get it all done? The word "balance" showed up a lot in the survey. How can the average person/couple do everything they want to do in life and still maintain their sanity?
Keeping my marriage a priority. It was easier before kids came along, but how can I intentionally pursue my spouse and prioritize my marriage in the midst of kids, work, ministry, bills, and laundry? How do I keep things fresh and avoid boredom? These same statements and questions came from newlyweds and couples married over 50 years—it’s clearly a universal marriage problem.
Communication and conflict resolution. Shocking, right? Said no one ever. We all struggle with how to communicate and resolve conflict well. We know what to do (most of the time), but we still tear each other down instead of building each other up. This one did show up more than any other.
Selfishness. We all get it. Let’s talk about me, myself, and I. And while a few times people referred to the selfishness in their spouse, most of the time people recognized their own selfishness is the biggest problem in their marriage.
Sexual/physical intimacy. I did a whole series on sexual intimacy a few years ago (most important 0.625% of your marriage), but not surprisingly, it’s a conversation we need to continue to have since most couples experience some struggles in this area.
Spiritual intimacy. We know we need to keep (or make) Jesus the center of our relationship, but we just don’t do it or we don’t know how to do it. Most couples I know struggle with spiritual intimacy or want to improve the ways they grow spiritually as a couple.
Here’s where I’d like to solicit some help (comments) from you. In the comments section below, answer one or more of the following questions:
Do you agree with this list? Why or why not?
What would you add or take away?
Why do you think these show up in the top 6?
All six of these are my problems too. I know, I care, and I want to help.
Conclusions & Next Steps
Here are a few key takeaways from you through the survey and some next steps on my end:
If you struggle in your relationship, you’re not alone. Sometimes it feels this way, but you’re not. Every couple faces challenges. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:28, “But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.” To struggle does not mean you’re different, but rather means you’re human!
I keep saying it every year, but I want to try doing some videos: videos of me and Kristen doing short teachings, book reviews video-style, and some other ideas. Thanks for those who expressed a desire to see some video content.
I ask the same three questions of every post I write:
Is it biblical?
Is it authentic?
Last, is it practical?
If it’s not biblical, authentic, and practical, then I go back to the drawing board and keep working until it’s the combination of these three elements.
You appreciate when I’m transparent and real. As my friend Lance Sisco says, “People don’t want to see perfect examples, but living examples.” I’ll continue to provide content that’s transparent about the good and the bad. And along the way I hope it encourages, challenges, and motivates you to pursue Jesus and if you’re in a relationship, your significant other.
People like book reviews and suggestions more than I realize, so I’ll keep those coming. Sometime soon I hope to have a short series on reading, including how I choose books and my process for reading and retaining what I read.
I'm going to provide some subscriber exclusives. Since Facebook changed their algorithm, I'm not getting near the amount of traffic I used to get through Facebook. This is a very common problem most bloggers now face. For this reason, I want to "reward" those who subscribe with some insider benefits. This will include things like date night challenges, date night tips, personal stories about my life/marriage, book giveaways, and other suggestions and recommendations.
I have two requests:
If you’re the praying type, please pray for my book, Ready Or Knot: 12 Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have Before Marriage, coming out on February 5, 2019 with Baker Books. We’re in the middle of editing and cover design right now. It’s exciting (and a dream come true)!
If you’re on social media and you find one of my posts helpful, please share them with others. You can either forward the email you get directly in your inbox or you can click on any of the share buttons directly from my website. I used to get most of my blog traffic from Facebook, but due to changes they’ve made, it’s hard to get your content seen by others unless you pay for it to be seen. I’ve chosen not to invest financially in Facebook by promoting posts, so I’ll ask and depend on others to do it the old fashion way - word of mouth traffic.
Thanks again for the taking the survey. Your feedback motivates me to keep writing. And I want to remind you to keep fighting for intimacy with Jesus and fight for intimacy in your marriages. It’s worth it. Don’t buy the lie that the world has anything else greater for you. You won’t find life in your sin, in isolating, or in choosing to pursue someone who’s not your spouse. It will disappoint you every time.
I gave away a few prizes to those who completed the survey: congrats to Rebecca B, Travis L, and Hannah P.
Your Turn:
Please look through the list of six challenges above and answer any or all of these questions:
Do you agree with this list? Why or why not?
What would you add or take away?
Why do you think these show up in the top 6?
If you didn’t take the survey and still have some feedback, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at scottkedersha@gmail.com. What can I do to help you or what questions do you have?