Where Did Your Joy Go and How Can You Find It Again?
I care too much about what others think of me, I’m afraid of messing up, and I don’t like letting people down. As an Enneagram 4, in less healthy moments or times of stress I fall into people-pleasing patterns.
There. I said it.
A few months ago a friend reminded me of a quote from Ernest Hemingway: “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” I just bled all over you. Sorry. Bear with me. There’s a reason for my confession.
My first book came out in February, 2019, but I have not done much writing since. Sometimes I call it writing burnout and other times I think I struggle with writer’s block. But, I write every single day for work and my busy brain is filled with great writing ideas.
Why Did I Stop Writing?
The real reason I haven’t been writing is because I worry too much of what others, people like you, think of me. It’s been a lifelong battle, but for whatever reason it wasn’t much of an issue for me when I started writing in 2014. Over the years as my readership grew, I started caring too much of what others thought of me and my writing.
When my platform was smaller and I started writing, I just wrote! I was honest and helpful in my writing. But as my platform has grown, I’ve started to care a lot more. And not in a good way.
I lost the joy of writing because I wanted to impress others and became afraid of failure.
To be clear, no one has torn me down—I haven’t gotten any nasty letters in the mail or in my inbox. No one told me my writing stinks or isn’t helpful. In fact, I’m nothing but encouraged!
I simply lost my joy of writing.
Proverbs 29:25 says, “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.” The Message translation says, “The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that.”
My fear of man trapped me the last few years. My desire and temptation to win the approval of others disabled me.
In Galatians 1:10, Paul writes, “ Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Paul gives us two choices here—you either choose to please people or you choose to please God. The two cannot co-exist. For the past three years I chose to please humanity, and this desire to please others prevented me from even trying. A fear of letting people down crippled me.
What I Learned From Drew and Ben
Our twins sons, Duncan and Drew, just left for college. Drew recently released three sets of recordings on Spotify. I’m so proud of him! Writing and performing music is incredibly vulnerable because you bear yourself in front of others through your lyrics, musicianship, and performance. Watching Drew put himself out there inspired me to do the same. I’m very grateful for his example.
The other thing that pushed me over the edge to write/blog again is the end of Ben Rector’s music vide, Dream On. I enjoy the song and I resonate with the challenge Ben faces in the video. What got me is the end of the video, when “Joy” (his big red friend—just go ahead and watch the video) says, “You lost the joy of music. You got so scared of failing, and things not being perfect that you forgot how to try. We have to find that JOY again.”
I’m so scared of things not being perfect. I lost my joy in writing and forgot how to try. As Joy tells Ben, we have to find that JOY again.
In her book Chase the Fun: 100 Days to Discover Fun Right Where You Are, Annie F. Downs writes about how it’s okay to be an amateur in life. We can do things just for fun and pleasure. When I’m at my best, writing is a source of fun and pleasure. I’m tired of being ruled by a fear of failure and the self-imposed pressure for everything to be perfect.
What is it for you? What brings you joy and how does a fear of failure or drive for perfection hold you back? I hope you can find your joy again.
While this is my first blog post in a while, I wrote almost daily over the last five months. I’m working on my next book and I can’t wait for you to read it when it comes out! And I’m ready to start blogging again and I’m grateful I found that joy again!
Your Turn:
What are you afraid to do? Where have you lost your joy?
Photo courtesy of Gratisography