50 Lessons I’ve Learned in my 50 years of life
I am definitely not a big birthday guy, in part because my birthday is the "Star Wars Birthday" - "May the 4th be with you." A Star Wars birthday is completely wasted on me. In addition, I generally don’t want any extra attention. It's just another day on the calendar.
But, 50 feels a little different. It's been my best year in a while, so I thought it fitting to capture a decent-size list of 50 things I've Learned by 50. This is, of course, not all-inclusive, and I'm certain I've forgotten some of the most important lessons I learned in the last 50 years.
No one asked me for this list, but I started keeping it a while ago as a milestone marker. Plus it's selfishly-motivated as a way for me to capture, review, and remember the "greatest hits" of what I've learned in life.
“50 Things” is a lot to absorb at one time, so I will share the first 17 on May 3rd, the next 17 on May 10th, and the last 16 on May 17th. You’ll find them all in this same post, one week at a time.
Here is my best attempt at capturing 50 lessons I’ve learned in my 50 years of life.
PART 1 - 5/3/23
"Know who you are, like who you are, be who you are." I don't know who said it first, but I learned it from my friend and former pastor, Todd Wagner. As someone who's struggled with liking the way God made me, this has been the most powerful and helpful lesson I've learned in all my years of life and ministry.
"If dependence is the goal, then weakness is the advantage." Similar to the one above, I don't know who said it first, but I've heard my friend, boss, and pastor, Jonathan "JP" Pokluda say it many times. Lord keep me dependent on you!
"Your friends determine the direction and quality of your life." Andy Stanley, North Point Community Church. This one probably comes from Proverbs 13:20 - "He who walks with the wise, grows wise. The companion of fools will suffer harm." So true as both a promise and a warning about the friendships we make and the company we keep.
"Truth is never optional, but timing and method are." Another one from Andy Stanley. So important as we think through how and when to have hard conversations and provide feedback to others.
Be faithful and leave the results to God.
Humility looks good on everyone. Put it on every day. Colossians 3:12.
Read good books and readers are leaders. If you know, you know. I love reading. Here are some of my favorites:
The Meaning of Marriage, by Tim Keller.
Cherish, by Gary Thomas.
The Nightingale, by Kristin Hannah.
The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness, by Tim Keller.
Read good books with others. Don't just read to consume, but learn from and read along with others! This has been my new (for me) favorite best practice in 2023.
Never stop learning. Applies to life in general, spiritual growth, marriage, parenting. Never stop learning and growing.
Every day is a gift. As someone who has several health issues (thanks to poor eating/lifestyle decisions and genetics), I often take time to remember it's a gift to have breath in my lungs, arms and legs that work, and a mind that's still sharp. His mercies are new every day (Lamentations 3:22-23).
Something I'm working on: Be more generous. You can't take it with you, and I've been the recipient of incredible generosity from friends, family, and, of course, from the Lord.
I can do hard things! In the last year, I've written a book, done 75 Hard and Phase 1 of Live Hard, started a podcast, lost 40 pounds, helped lead a marriage conference with over 500 people, and much more. Just because I'm getting older does not mean I'm done! I believe the best years are yet to come.
Launching kids from the home is no joke. We miss our twin sons so much (both are freshmen in college—Go Bruins and Sic ‘em Bears!).
Parenting never stops, even when you launch one/some of your kids. We still have two at home who deserve 100% of my love, time, care, and prayer.
"Trust yourself the least when you want something the most." Another one from JP. Such a good word when it comes to things I want to buy, lusts, pleasures, food, and much more.
People love getting hand-written notes. It's an art and practice I hope never dies. This is a good reminder to go write one today!
50 is not old. I feel younger today than I have the last 10 years. Don't let anyone tell you 50 is old.
PART 2 - 5/10/23
Take better care of yourself today. I wish I hadn't waited so long to work on my wellness and health. I am dealing with chronic health issues because I didn't take care of myself in the past.
The compound effect is real. This means we reap big rewards from small, smart choices. This principle applies to money, health/wellness, relationships, scripture knowledge and memory, and so much more.
Memorize scripture! This is my favorite spiritual discipline. I spend at least five minutes just about every day memorizing new verses and reviewing old ones. I use the Verses app and The Bible Memory Project to help me memorize scripture.
Keep my mouth shut. Ask questions instead of making assumptions. Proverbs 18:2 all day, every day. "Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions." Our world would be a much better place if we all learned and applied this verse. If I apply this, then I will ask questions instead of making assumptions.
Rejoice, pray, and give thanks. Again, all day, every day. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 - "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I want to do God's will - rejoice, pray, give thanks. Again, how much better would our world be if you and I lived this out?
It's OK to fail at something. I've lived in fear of messing up and falling short (at times). I wish I had attempted more and bigger at times, not to earn God's favor or humanity's favor, but to keep me dependent. For example, I had a big goal of losing 50 pounds by my 50th birthday. This was a big, audacious goal. I missed it, but it's OK! See #24.
When you fail, get back up again.
Live for an audience of one. Cliche phrase, but so good. I don't need to live for the approval of others - Galatians 1:10.
Be me. Read what I want to read, watch what I want to watch, do what I want to do. Yes, there are times when we do what trusted leaders and those in authority have us do, but too often I watched/read/listened to what others did just to fit in. I like me (see #1), so it's OK to do what I want!
Delayed pleasure is usually better than immediate gratification.
From Jon Acuff: "Don't compare your beginning to someone else's middle." SUCH a great principle. I remind myself of this one, often.
Choose to celebrate others rather than covet or compare. A recent lesson for me and probably worth a separate blog post sometime soon. I am learning this one and I don't want to be the person who covets and compares but can celebrate the wins of others!
"Don't shorten your standards, but lengthen your patience." Applicable to dating, indulging in lustful desires, and many other areas of life.
You can learn from anyone. Corollary to #9 above. I can learn from someone older than me, younger than me, my boss, my direct report, someone with a different political party or spiritual affiliation/beliefs. I shared about this in a recent conversation I had with one of my sons.
"There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things." Pam Beesly from The Office (my favorite TV show, by the way). The reason I love this line is because we so often go for the big and dramatic. But there's beauty in the unglamorous, day-to-day moments of life. This is how we grow our marriages, grow closer to the Lord, make disciples, raise kids, and so much more. There's beauty in the ordinary.
Find a way to capture what you're learning so you don't forget it! This year I am keeping a list in a journal of lessons I'm learning. I wish I had started this years ago! This list of 50 things has been a help as well. I don't want to be like the person described in James 1:22-25—I want to remember and apply what I learn.
"Seeds of greatness are planted in the daily grind." My favorite Tweet of all time comes from Adam Grant, organizational psychologist and best-selling author. Anything big I want in life usually comes from a whole lot of hard work day after day after day. Read the Tweet and spend some time looking at the cartoon drawing. Gold.
PART 3 - 5/17/23
Embrace your current season of life. Don't wish it all away. I wished away too many days when my kids were younger. I love our current season of life, and I wished I looked for ways to love each season along the way.
Proverbs 15:1 says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." I missed it on this one more times than I can count—in parenting, in ministry, and even on occasion in marriage. In my old(er) age I increasingly see the value of kindness and gentleness.
Thank the Lord for friends who aren't afraid to lovingly wound you. Over the last 15 years, several conversations come to mind when friends were not afraid to lovingly wound me. I'm grateful for their courage. Proverbs 27:6 says, "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses."
Embrace the tension that exists in marriage: 1 Corinthians 7:28 says 'if you marry, you will have trouble.' And all God's people said, "AMEN!" At the same time, Proverbs 18:22 says, "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord." Both 1 Corinthians 7:28 and Proverbs 18:22 are 100% true. I love marriage and I love my bride Kristen. She is a good thing!! There are also hard things in marriage-they are not mutually exclusive. Embracing the tension helps us grow and have better expectations.
Marry well. I read this quote my first year in marriage ministry (2006), and while I can't give you a chapter and verse from the Bible on it, it's still 100% true! H. Jackson Brown Jr said, "Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery."
People aren't problems to be fixed, but individuals who need to be loved and cared for. In different seasons of ministry, people have been "the worst part of ministry" and meetings with couples become another meeting on the calendar. God help me to never see people this way again. Thankfully the Lord doesn't see us this way.
Life is hard. Relationships are hard. Ministry is challenging. Sometimes The Office makes everything better for 22 minutes before reality hits again. It's good to laugh. This video by Tim Hawkins always helps as well (That's the Worst).
I recently learned this one from Andy & Sandra Stanley in their book Parenting: Getting It Right. Their goal for parenting was to raise "Kids who enjoy being with us and with each other even when they no longer have to be." I wish we had parented with the relationship in mind. It's never too late to start to fight for strong relationships with all of our kids.
The key to a good morning is what you do the night before. I lay out my work clothes and my gym clothes. My water bottle is on the counter ready to be filled. The coffee and water are in the coffee maker—just hit start. I write out my calendar for the next day most nights so I know what's coming in advance.
Life is hard and people get discouraged by the challenges of this world. Never underestimate the power of encouraging others. Hebrews 3:13 is one of my all time favorites: "But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness."
No one wants to be around a complainer. I'm not complaining about it. Just stating a convicting fact.
Don't wait until "perfect" to start. Waiting for and expecting perfection held me back from starting more times then I can count. The reason why I go long seasons without blogging is because of perfection.
Trials and challenges reveal your character. "You find out who you really are when you don't get what you want." I've known this one to be true, but heard it said so well about a ninth grade basketball player at Midway High School by his coach. Like I said above in #31 - we can learn from anyone (i.e., ninth graders).
Don't judge obedience by the outcome. (Thanks to JP for this one). Just be faithful (corollary to #5). This means the number on the scale, the grade on the paper, the number of sales you close. I want to be found obedient and faithful.
It's not good for man and woman to be alone. I think the Lord knew what He was saying in Genesis 2:18. Life is just better together. Thank you, Lord, for friendships and community.
I saved the best for last: I never, ever, ever want to get over the fact that Jesus saved me. I don't know why He did. I know I don't deserve it. But I know I am deeply loved for all eternity. Thank you, Jesus. Nothing else on this list matters compared to this one.
Your Turn:
Any of the above stand out to you? Please comment below!