How Do You and Your Spouse Avoid Negative Conflict?
At the time of this writing, I’m in the middle of a 7-day writing challenge with my good friend, Preston Hagaman. Every day for seven days, we’re writing a different type of post (i.e., a list post, a "How To” post, an FAQ post). Today’s challenge is to write a discussion starter post.
Here’s today's discussion starter: How Do You and Your Spouse Avoid Negative Conflict?
This is not a post or discussion on how to avoid or withdraw from conflict. It’s also not a post or discussion about how to fake the peace in your relationship.
Rather, I hope we can learn from each other some best practices on how married couples can live in marital unity and oneness with each other (see Philippians 2:1-2, Ephesians 4:1-3). This post only works if YOU participate and share with others. I hope this will be a community where we can learn from each other how to grow in our relationships. I want to avoid the impression that the supposed expert (me) teaches through writing and no one else gets a voice in the conversation.
A lack of communication and the inability to resolve conflict tend to be the biggest contributors to couples who divorce and to those with low marital satisfaction. Kristen and I are nowhere near the path to divorce and we're very satisfied in our marriage. But, we struggle with communication just like every other couple. Whether it’s because of selfishness, the distractions of technology, or the busyness of life, every couple can improve in the way they communicate and resolve conflict.
I’ll start the conversation by providing a few things Kristen and I do to keep things on the "up and up" in our marriage when it comes to communication and conflict. Most of my suggestions below will come in the form of links to prior posts written on communication and conflict.
Be humble. God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble (James 4:6).
Hold a weekly meeting to make sure you’re on the same page in your schedule. The weekly “sit-down" helps minimize opportunities for miscommunication.
Be quick to apologize and ask for forgiveness (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13).
Choose to be teachable and do not be defensive.
Read a book on marital communication and conflict like Scott Stanley’s A Lasting Promise: The Christian Guide to Fighting for Your Marriage.
Your Turn:
What do you and your spouse do to help avoid negative conflict? Don't think whatever you have to share is not going to be helpful or is too basic! My hope is that we can learn from each other how to improve our marriages in the ways we communicate and resolve conflict. Please share below, on Facebook or on Instagram.