How Can You Improve Your Marriage in 2017?
A few days ago, I shared how 2016 did not rank as my favorite year of all time. Between personal health issues, work transitions, and some long-lasting sin struggles, I, like many others, look forward to putting 2016 in the rear-view mirror. I appreciated the honesty with which many of you both encouraged me and shared your sentiments about last year.
But, not everything from 2016 stunk. In fact, as I’ve shared many times on this blog, I have so much to be thankful for: an incredible church, great friends, four boys, and most important, a deep, abiding relationship with Jesus Christ. At the top of my list of what I’m most thankful for, aside from my salvation, is my marriage to Kristen. In September 2016, we celebrated 15 years of marital bliss.
How Can You Improve Your Marriage in 2017?
Every married person should ask themselves this question. How can I improve my marriage?
I’d give our marriage a good, solid A-. We get along well, share the same values and beliefs, and work hard to improve our relationship. But, as I think about the opportunity to better love and lead my wife, to model the way for my children, and to help lead Watermark’s marriage efforts with integrity, I know I/we can do better.
There are many ways we can grow our marriage: prayer, spiritual intimacy, date nights, community, communication, and so much more. We can get grittier in our marriages as we seek to persevere with passion. The list is endless.
But, as I thought about what I can do to better love my wife, I came across the book Cherish by Gary Thomas. Thomas has already written some of my favorite books about marriage and wellness (Sacred Marriage, Every Body Matters). He works hard at his marriage and loves Jesus. I’m thankful for his influence on my life.
For those of us who are married, you probably shared a vow that said you would love and cherish your spouse. We often talk about what it looks like to love your spouse, but what does it mean to cherish your spouse? In his new book, Thomas unpacks the word cherish and helps the reader learn what it means to hold your spouse dear and to cherish them. He talks about what it means to turn marriage from an obligation to a delight and to go out of your way to honor and appreciate your spouse.
Over the last 15 years, as we’ve raised four boys, moved, changed jobs, walked through all the ups and downs of life, we’ve settled into routines in marriage. Nothing negative, but we’ve drifted away from holding each other dear and delighting in each other. Cherish helped me realize some small ways I can better cherish my wife. Here are a few, small things I’m doing to improve my marriage and cherish my wife:
Longer hugs, every day, with no expectation of anything beyond a hug.
Paying better attention to my wife when she talks to me. I know… obvious, but, again, I’ve gotten into some lethargic habits.
Thomas says, “Listening is one of the best greatest services we can offer to each other."
Noticing the small things that I take for granted.
Ask the question, "What can I do to make her day easier? What small thing around the house can I do to help her?"
Allow Kristen to be Kristen. Appreciate the things that might drive me crazy and instead, thank God for them.
Delight in Kristen! Remember the things we did in the beginning that led us to fall in love with each other many moons ago!
Last, I want to make it easier for Kristen to cherish me. I am working on becoming someone who is easier to cherish, which starts with humility.
I loved this book. Cherish challenged me to think outside of the box of how I can better cherish and love Kristen. The subtitle says it well - cherish is the word that changes everything for your marriage. After reading this book, I agree. If I better cherish my spouse, I believe it can and will change everything in our marriage.
Your Turn:
Ask your significant other if they think you cherish them? Do you "hold them dear"? Are they secure and confident in the ways you cherish them?
What is one thing you can do to cherish your significant other? If you think of anything good, please share below! Let’s learn from one another.