Confessions From a Not-So-Great Morning
I'm not sure I've ever done this before (I am one wild and crazy guy!). It's a Thursday morning, my house is empty, and I'm typing directly into Wordpress. Usually, I type in another app, edit, check for grammar, check and recheck again and again and again. It's the blessing and curse of life as a perfectionist. Today I type directly into the world wide web without the three rounds of edits. The perfectionist in me feels betrayed and cheated on right now.
This was one of those mornings when nothing went as it should. I slept in an hour later than I usually do. I hit snooze on the alarm, and I did a quiet time but was distracted. In the middle of my quiet time, I read some emails and responded to a few more. And then the morning crazy started and everything began going downhill.
Two kids start popping those stupid, plastic packing balloon thingies. One interrupted Kristen and me, then another interrupted Kristen and me, and before we know it, I'm yelling at the kids, and stomping out of the house to go to the gym and then off to church to be a pastor.
Sometimes I feel like a complete joke and fraud. Sometimes I feel like nothing has ever changed. And sometimes I think I'm always going to be an angry, perverted, fat, hater of self. I wonder how long it will be until all four of my kids need to enter a 12-step recovery program because their dad was such a jerk at times.
Fortunately one of my 12-year olds had enough sense to follow me outside and stand behind my car so that I couldn't leave.
Today I'm preaching to myself. At the same time, I have a feeling some all of you relate to me on some level. While you may not struggle with your weight, lust, temper, or self-loathing, you know the feeling that we all sometimes get. It's that feeling that you've never changed and nothing will ever get better. It's a hopeless and miserable way to live.
I don't want to pull a #Jesusjuke here, but I know the only way to pull me out of the funk is to remind myself of what's true and right. So for the next few lines, I'm just going to share some scripture.
Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
Thank you, Paul, for instructing us to think on the right things. Sometimes my brain has crazy thoughts. My thoughts are anything but true, right, admirable, and noble. A simple reminder to dwell on Truth, not the crazy thoughts in my head.
In 1 John 4:10, John writes, "This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."
I feel so unlovable at times. Yet, God loves us, even when we think we're unlovable. He loves us so much that He sent His one and only Son, He perfect Son, as a sacrifice for our sins. God's love is not predicated upon my behavior. When I think it is, I remember Romans 5:8: "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
Kristen just told me yesterday morning was no different. I think it's always my fault, but a simple reminder that family life can be tough and it's not always my fault. I don't know why I take some satisfaction in this, but I do.
I'm reminded of one more passage as my wife comes over, hugs me, and tells me she loves me. Proverbs 18:22 says, "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord." She's not perfect, but she's pretty darn near close. Again, I need to remind myself of what is true.
I know there are many more passages I can share, but I do need to get going on my day. Side note: Sometimes people ask me why I love to write. Today's post shows you one of the main reasons. When I write, I get to remind myself of what it true, right, and worthy of praise. It's the same reason why I love to journal. Even in the writing of this post, and the reading and reciting of Truth, I'm reminded of God's love.
I started off this post writing for me. I knew I needed the reminders. But, if you're one who has thoughts similar to mine, either today or other days, I write to give you hope. It might be a #Jesusjuke, but I believe the world has nothing or no person better to offer than the Truth He brings.
Your Turn:
What verses do you dwell on when you feel unlovable?
When your mind and heart drift away from Truth, what passages bring you back?