How Four Couples Crushed $440,000 of Debt
A few days ago I reviewed the book Slaying the Debt Dragon by Cherie Lowe. I really enjoyed her book and was challenged by her family's story of getting out of $127,482.30 of debt.
After reading Slaying the Debt Dragon, I thought it would be helpful to share some wisdom from four couples from my church who also paid off a massive amount of debt in their marriages. Collectively, these four couples payed off $440,000 in debt. ($100,000, $120,000, $125,000 and $95,000).
Today I want to get practical for all of us, not just those who are in debt. I asked my friends the following two questions.
What is one thing you did that helped get you out of debt? (share something practical that could help other couples).
How has your marriage changed now that you have gotten out of debt/taken significant steps towards getting out of debt?
(Note: The responses are written as one voice, not as four separate couples.)
What is one thing you did that helped get you out of debt? (share something practical that could help other couples).
1. Decide: We actually got serious about getting out of debt. This might sound silly, but a lot of people want to get out of debt, but aren’t willing to do the hard work and sacrifice it takes to do it. This being said, once we got serious about it, we started to see God work. Psalm 37:5 says, “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act.” (ESV).
When we got married, we had around $100,000 in college, auto and personal loans. For many years we made hard decisions about living as lean as possible and putting every extra penny towards debt. We didn’t just put extra money like bonus checks towards our debt, but we also cut back on our living expenses. It took us almost 10 years to pay off all our debt.
2. Communicate: We had regular meetings where we talked about and planned out our budget and we communicated a lot. Our conversations included purchases and any extra money we got. Money/debt was never an off limits topic in our marriage. We committed to praying and working as a team together towards paying off debt and ultimately asking God how He wanted us to steward our money. This was about God’s Work, not ours. For example, we received a half dozen surprise jolts of unexpected income; things like unexpected checks from our mortgage company.
3. Make a plan: We stayed with the plan and if we ever deviated from the plan, we had to run it by other people. Making the debt reduction plan is easy (we just used a spread sheet). Actually making the payments is the difficult part. We found building in accountability to make the payments was helpful and prevented us from using those dollars in ways that were not consistent with our goals.
We were both working at the time so we committed to living on one income and then the other whole income went to paying off the debt. This also made it much easier to adjust to me (the wife) staying at home when kids came since we were already living on one income.
4. Work as a team: Before we started working on our debt we never had a budget or plan to get out of debt. We didn't know how much we were spending and because of that didn't know how much we could put towards the debt on a monthly basis to understand how long it would take to pay off. I think the debt helped us look at the issue as a team.
5. Take a class: We took a class at our church (i.e. Moneywise at Watermark, Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University). The class was great for us, and after we had a plan, we stuck to it.
6. Live as one flesh: Before we got married, all the debt was mine (the husband’s). When we got married, my wife was clear: This was our debt. We were going to pay it off. We celebrated every little victory together as a result, and that meant some really good food when we hit milestones.
7. Celebrate: We celebrated along the way. When we paid off one of our debts we made sure to celebrate with a fun date night or small gift to one another. Nothing big, but the celebrations gave us something to look forward to!
How has your marriage changed now that you have gotten out of debt/taken significant steps towards getting out of debt?
1. We were excited to pay off debt but didn’t get a, “weight lifted from our shoulders” feeling that some folks thought we would. We realized that God provided a way for us to tackle debt without it ruling our life (e.g. losing sleep, feeling anxious). We realized that as we move forward in marriage God will be there to provide in the same way…we never have to be consumed with a struggle.
2. I think paying off the debt really helped us in our oneness even financially because it's something we did together, as a team, and celebrated together! I think I struggled with it at first because the bulk of it wasn't necessarily my debt but viewing it as "ours" was huge for me and our oneness.
3. After paying off our debt, we don't feel near as much financial pressure regarding the "what ifs" of life and we can use our positive cash flow to save money rather than using it all on debt.
4. Reducing debt (we do have a mortgage) has been freeing in terms of not being distracted by always feeling like you need to pay something down. But at the same time, our marriage isn’t like night-and-day different because our hearts are always inclined to look to money for security, and money can always creep in and cause division.
What we’ve learned, and continue to learn, is that God isn’t as concerned about the line item in our budget for debt as he is about our hearts and how we steward what He has given to us.
It’s risky to assume your marriage will be SO much better because you’re debt-free. There is always something about money that God can teach us. For me, getting out of debt became an idol. Now increasing our savings can become an idol.
5. We are now in the habit of keeping track of our money, talking about expenses, praying about where God would have us spend our money and generally communicating about our finances. The Lord has used our finances to be more unified in our marriage and teach us about His care for us. We have also learned we can love each other well and come to the table to talk through things in a healthy way even if we have differing opinions.
6. Looking at our debt together and not being on opposite sides or opposed to each other with the debt in the middle has built our marriage. I think it gave us confidence that we can work through any tough or big decision (e.g. buying a house, job change) that comes our way.
Your Turn:
I know many of you may have similar stories to Cherie Lowe’s or the four couples I interviewed for this post. Learn from the ways they overcame their debt. Make a decision, find some help, read a book, take a class, learn how to budget and work together as a team. You can do it!