Do Not Invite the Devil to Dine at Your Table

A few weeks ago I confessed to some recent struggles with anger. I shared that I tend to get too easily offended and I can get angry too quickly and for all the wrong reasons. I gave four specific examples from my life when I got easily offended and quickly angered.

A friend recently said, “Anger tells us what we care about and what we’re passionate about.” I learned in those four examples that I, at times, care about and am passionate about things that really aren’t that big of a deal.

I want to come back to one of the examples and illustrate from the Bible how anger can hold us back in our marriages and how our anger affects more than just ourselves. Sometimes I think my anger only has an impact on me, and therefore isn’t that big of a deal. But, my sinful anger affects others and yours does as well.

In the prior post, I shared a story about how I got frustrated with Kristen because she and two of our sons arrived at church five minutes late. They didn’t sit in the seats I saved up front and asked me to move back to seats towards the back of our auditorium. I unwillingly picked up my stuff and walked the 100 feet to the seats they sat in. For the rest of the service, including worship, teaching, and meet and greet, I wore a smile on my face but an angry frown internally.

In Ephesians 4:26-27, Paul writes:

• “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. (NIV)

• Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. (ESV)

I want to focus on the last part of this passage where Paul writes “do not give the devil a foothold” in the NIV and “give no opportunity to the devil” in the ESV. The Greek term literally translates “place,” meaning ‘do not give a place to the devil.’

Who’s Coming Over For Dinner?

Here’s how I like to picture this. Let’s say I invite you and your significant other over for dinner at our house. Our kitchen table has six seats: one for you, one for your significant other, one for me, and one for my wife Kristen. The doorbell rings and I go open the door. I can’t believe it, but the devil just rang my doorbell. Instead of closing and locking the door, I actually invite him in and let him know we have a spot for him at dinner. He sits in one of the empty “places” at the table.

This is what happens when you do not rightly deal with your anger in marriage. When you sin in your anger and let the sun go down on your anger, you’re giving the enemy a foothold—an opportunity. You’ve invited him in and given him a place at your table.

While this invitation to eat at our table may be a silly analogy, this is what happened with me and Kristen. I got frustrated and instead of just overlooking it and putting it aside, I gave the enemy a foothold in my life and in our marriage. I didn’t want to hold Kristen’s hand, I didn’t want to sit next to her, and I couldn’t focus on the worship or the message. All because I sinned in my anger and gave the enemy a place.

Marriage is hard enough as it is without offering a spot or a place to the enemy.

Paul goes on to say in Ephesians 4:31, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” Once again, he tells us to get rid of these things: bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, slander, and malice. Don’t clear up storage for them. Don’t make space in the pantry for these things. Don’t give them a place at the table. Box them up and get rid of them! Replace them with kindness, compassion, and forgiveness (Ephesians 4:32).

I don’t like getting angry, but I’m thankful for what the Lord showed me about my anger in the last few weeks. I’m seeing my little frustrations with fresh eyes as I realize I don’t want to give a place to the enemy. I don’t want him to have a seat at our kitchen table, and I don’t want to invite the enemy into my marriage.

How are you extending an invitation to the enemy?

How about you? Where do you see yourself giving the enemy a place in your life, marriage, and family? How does your anger give the enemy a foothold?

I think a great next step from this post would be to sit down with your spouse and talk about the little things that grate at you—those little things that can give the enemy a place in your marriage. This is a big deal. Ask God to replace your anger with kindness, compassion, and forgiveness.

If this is a bigger challenge for you, check out a Christ-centered, 12-step recovery ministry like regeneration recovery. Also check out the book Freedom Starts Today by my friend and co-worker, John Elmore.

I’m cheering you on. Pray for me and I’d love to do the same for you. Let’s not give the enemy a seat at our tables. The table is full and let’s not let the devil come dine at our table.