How can you and i speak the truth in love?
“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ”
Over my 21 years of marriage, 19 years of parenting, and 17 years of marriage ministry, I’ve wrestled with how to speak the truth in love.
At times I’ve been an expert in love, compassion, and understanding, but I compromised on truth. I’m like a personified version of a warm hug. I care and tell people it’s all going to be okay and remind them of God’s grace and love. I want people to like me (Galatians 1:10), so I find myself telling them what they want to hear. What I share may not be backed by scripture, but I want to make sure the person likes me, so I tell them what they want to hear.
On other occasions I’ve rattled off biblical truth like an expert but lacked empathy and kindness. Some days I smack people with the truth—I take the Word of God and club people with it. I can unlovingly point out the Truth without considering the individual’s emotions or at times without listening to them. Usually this happens when I’m tired or burned out.
I recently heard my friend John Elmore discuss this very topic. Sometimes we’re a nuisance, and we speak the truth without love. At other times we’re negligent, because we love others but ignore the truth.
Years ago I read about a concept called The Velvet Covered Brick in the book Habitudes - The Art of Connecting with Others by Tim Elmore. I choose my words carefully - this is one of the most foundational ministry principles I’ve ever learned. It affects the way I love others and the way I counsel others. When I’m at my healthiest, I am a velvet covered brick.
What is a Velvet Covered Brick?
Sometimes we tend towards the brick side, where we hit people hard with the truth, as if we’re smacking them with a brick. We speak the truth of God’s Word, which we ought to do, but we do so without love, care, and kindness. It’s like taking a brick and throwing it at someone. It’s going to have an impact; just not always the right impact.
Other times we compromise on truth but speak words of comfort. It’s like taking a piece of velvet and softly covering someone with it. I’m dating myself here, but the infamous George Constanza of Seinfeld fame once said, “I would drape myself in velvet if it were socially acceptable.”
But, to speak the truth in love means we take the truth of God’s Word - the unchanging, inspired, Word of God, and we deliver it in a way that is wrapped in love, care, and kindness. The two concepts are not mutually exclusive - we speak the truth in love. We’re like a velvet covered brick.
What Does This Look Like?
Fortunately, God’s Word provides many examples of what a velvet covered brick individual looks like. Of course Jesus modeled this perfectly in every interaction. Look the way he addresses the woman at the well in John 4. He speaks truth to her but also engages with her in a compassionate, empathetic way. In Mark 3:1-6, Jesus expresses His anger for the religious Pharisees, but also demonstrates distress and grief for the state of their hearts.
In chapters 2 and 3 of Revelation, we see John speak the truth in love to each of the seven churches. He encourages each of them but also shares some challenging words with them. King David repeatedly models the velvet covered brick in the ways he leads his people as a fierce warrior who at the same time was a man after God’s own heart.
Who’s someone in your life who models this well?
Which way do you lean?
Most of us know which way we lean—we’re either more brick or more velvet. It’s also common to vacillate back and forth depending on your mood or situation. If you’re unsure which way you lean, ask your spouse, family, or friends.
Ask God to help you to become a velvet covered brick, someone who speaks the truth in love. When we do, we refuse to compromise truth but we share it in a way that shows we love and care for the individual.
Jesus is the perfection of both truth and love—He is the perfect Velvet Covered Brick. As always, look to Him as the model and example for how to live out your faith.
Your Turn:
Which way do you lean—more velvet or more brick?
How can you take some steps to be more like a velvet covered brick?