How You and I Can Help Encourage The Next Generation of Marriages
You may have heard that divorce rates are declining in America. That’s some great news. But, at the same time, marriage rates continue to decline, with less couples choosing to marry and more couples choosing to cohabitate. Something needs to be done to help the next generation think rightly about marriage.
A few weeks ago I shared with some leaders how to most effectively reach and care for next generation marriages. I had five whole minutes to encourage a room of leaders how we can encourage and equip premarried and newly married couples.
Essentially I had to boil down almost 20 years of marriage ministry work into five minutes! The short window of speaking time forced me to communicate with clarity and succinctness. And the message came to me clearly. I thought it would be helpful to share with you as well, because the answer doesn’t just apply to young marrieds. My response applies to all relationships!
I present to you the ABCs of reaching, leading, and caring for next generation marriages (and really all marriages).
Authenticity: The Power of Keeping It Real
My friend Lance says this well: “Couples are looking for living examples, not perfect examples.” Don’t be afraid to show others the full picture. Don’t feel the need to hide, pretend, or act like you have it all together. And also don’t hide the wins! Live in the light with your highs and lows and it will no doubt encourage others.
1 John 1:7 says, “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.”
From this passage we see that Jesus is in the light—He is the light. He has nothing to hide. And John calls us to likewise walk in the light. This leads to deeper relationship with others and invites Jesus in to purify us from our sin.
Let me provide a few examples.
1. A few weeks ago, we hosted our married life group at our house. While we were setting out dinner, Kristen and I got into an argument in front of the other four couples. We didn’t feel the need to hide or pretend like we always have it all together. I want us to be real and authentic in front of others.
2. In the recovery ministry we offer at our church, attendees introduce themselves in this way: “My name is Scott, I have a new life in Christ, and I’m in recovery for “fill in the blank.”” My list would include things such as lust, pride, people-pleasing, anger, and gluttony. I shared my list in front of the other leaders as an example of authenticity and living in the light.
Not long after I trusted in Christ, I thought I would be the guy who overcame all his sin struggles. I thought all the sins/struggles of my past would stay in the past. Instead I have come to realize that the longer I’ve walked with Jesus, the more I’m aware of His holiness and my imperfections and sins. While I do believe I am becoming more like Jesus, I’m also more aware of the ongoing battles I face and will continue to face until I come face-to-face with Jesus!
Biblical: Give More Than Tips and Tricks
The longer I’ve served in full-time vocational ministry, the more I realize our hope is found in Christ and in Christ alone. Not in tips or tricks. Not in good books. Not in sermons or podcasts. And while tips, books, podcasts, and sermons are good, if they don’t point to God and His Word, then they will fall short.
We have so much information and content available to us with a few keystrokes and clicks. Ask a question, and ChatGPT and/or Google provide an answer. Looking for a marriage class on communication? You can find a course or a book or some AI-generated wisdom in a few seconds. But once again, if it’s not founded in God’s Word, then it’s less than and not ultimately helpful.
John 15:5 says, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” I love the way this verse ends: apart from Christ, we can do NOTHING. The wisdom of the world and the best tips and tricks fall short.
My friend Grant Skeldon (Next gen expert) says next gen couples are like sheep without a shepherd. In general, they are less churched and less biblically informed. Consequently, they can more easily follow the ways of social media and the world. Let’s give them Jesus! Point them towards Truth.
And, this doesn’t change for non-next gen couples. We all need to be lead and all need to follow the way of the righteous and not the way of the wicked (Psalm 1:6). To reach next gen marriages, and every other generation of marriages, let’s point people to Jesus.
Community & Connection: Provide Solutions to the Epidemic of Loneliness
Much ink has been recently spilled on the epidemic of loneliness we’re experiencing in our country. Whether you blame work, technology, COVID, or anything else for our loneliness problems, the fact remains that we’re designed with a need for others.
Genesis 2:18 says, “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” This passage serves as both a marriage verse and a community verse. We need others - real connection in both marriage and in community.
Back to the sheep analogy referenced above: I’ve heard it said that sheep are most likely to be attacked when they’re alone or isolated. The same can be said for couples—both next generation marriages and for any and every couple.
How can you help next gen marriages find community and connection? Look for ways to include them in your lives and in each other’s lives. We love getting to spend time with young couples, whether we’re helping prepare them for marriage, helping them start their marriage strong, or by merely having fun together over a shared meal. Ask them questions, let them ask you questions, and provide a place for them to discuss the real wins and challenges of life.
In just the last few weeks, I’ve seen firsthand the power of community and connection in next gen marriages. I’ve seen the way they grow through confession when they realize they’re not alone. And I’ve seen the power of love displayed in helping couples who think they’re unlovable receive love and care from others.
As I think about next gen marriages, I want to see the church and followers of Jesus be authentic, biblical, and provide ways to connect and build community.
And I see a need for encouragement. So my challenge for this post is for you to take some time to encourage a next gen marriage. Hebrews 3:13 says, “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” Challenge a young couple. Call them to something great. Invest in them. And do what you can to encourage them so they’re not hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.
Kristen and I have given much of our lives to helping strengthen next generation marriages through premarital counseling and through helping strengthen newlyweds. We’re so grateful for others who have poured into us so that we can help pour into others.
Your Turn:
1. Who can you encourage today? What young couple can you encourage?