What's Harder to Tame Than a Lion?
I have a question for you: What one part of the body has the power of life and death?
Some of you might think your massive biceps. Or perhaps your brain and intellect. Or maybe even your heart and its ability to love and feel.
While all of the above have a big impact on others, the Bible gives us a different answer. Hint: it's harder to tame than a lion.
The Answer? The tongue.
We all know the song, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Good playground song, terrible theology.
Words hurt. I still remember the criticisms from coaches, the rejections from girls, and the mocking from peers in middle school. Sometimes I would rather have had a body of broken bones then have to deal with the consequences of hurt brought on by the words of others.
Maybe for you it’s the words of a parent or even your spouse that really stick with you and hurt. For some of you, the words of others hurt, but you’re more concerned with the words you use against your spouse, children, or friends.
One of the biggest lessons I learned/relearned over the holidays dealt with the power of the words I use with my children. Time and again over the holidays I found myself using words with my kids that could potentially scar them and deeply affect my long-term relationship with them. I love my kids and the last thing I want to do is hurt them with my words.
I know I am not alone in this battle. We all struggle with the words we use with kids, with our significant other and with co-workers and family. The tongue and the words we use have the power of life and death, and we will reap the blessing or consequences of how we steward our tongue and the words we use.
Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.”
Furthermore, James 3:6-12 says, “And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.” (Emphasis mine)
I’m tired and sad about the negative impact of my words. This doesn’t mean I stop rebuking or challenging my kids or others, but I need to change what I say and how I say it.
Here are 8 thoughts about how to change what we say and how we say it:
1. God’s Word changes the way we think and the way we talk. Get in the Word. Join the Journey. Learn what His Word says about communication - both what and how we say it.
Romans 12:2 says our hearts and minds are transformed by God. Ephesians 4:15 says we are to speak the truth in love. The Bible is FULL of wisdom on godly speech and how we can provide life with our words rather than death.
2. Ask others about the way you speak. Do your words bring life or death? Ask your spouse. Ask your community. Ask your kids. Do you yell? Do you lie? Do you self-promote?
3. Our words and our tone are a stewardship issue. We often talk about stewarding our resources or stewarding our time. We even talk about stewarding our wellness and health. How are you doing at stewarding your tongue and your words?
4. Talk to others in the way you want to be talked to. Do you want to be yelled at, belittled, and criticized? What would it feel like to be on the receiving end of your words.
5. Use your words with wisdom and discernment. James 1:19 says we are to be slow to speak, quick to listen, and slow to become angry. Seek to understand others rather than always speaking (see Proverbs 18:2). Think before you talk. The more you talk, the more likely you are to say something that will cause death.
6. Use your words to encourage others. I love Hebrews 3:13: “But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” Call or text a friend and encourage them.
7. Thank others instead of lashing out at them. Check out the story of the thankful leper in Luke 17. Jesus heals 10 lepers but only one comes and thanks Him. Use your words to thank and bless those around you.
8. Most important: Ask God to change your tongue and the words you use. Ask God how you can change your words and your tongue that they might bring life instead of death.
I am sobered at times when I think about the words I use with my kids. And I understand why marriages are breaking all over the place, largely due to the fact that our words and our tongue bring death rather than life.
Your Turn:
Of the eight thoughts above, which one is your next step? How can you grow in bringing life to others through your words rather than death?
Do you need to apologize and ask for forgiveness to anyone for the words and tone you used over Christmas? I know I need to have a few conversations...
Photo Credit: Xavier Boswell, Flickr.com