A Review of The Mingling of Souls, by Matt Chandler
Matt Chandler starts his marriage book, The Mingling of Souls: God's Design for Love, Marriage, Sex, and Redemption, with the following statement: "When I began writing this book, Amazon.com listed for sale 151,000 books on marriage; 27,000 books on dating; almost 12, 000 books on attraction; and more than 190,000 books on sex."
Chandler rightly observes that we are a culture both simultaneously obsessed with relationships and sex, but dysfunctional in our approaches to them.
Even in the midst of a crowded book market on marriage and relationships, I’m thankful Chandler wrote The Mingling of Souls to help bring some necessary clarity to our relationship-obsessed and marriage-dysfunctional culture.
I read a lot of books on relationships, either for my own edification in my marriage with Kristen or to help grow in my ability to lead couples while serving in full-time marriage ministry at Watermark Community Church. Some I’m grateful I read, others not so much. This one falls square in the “I’m Glad I Did!” category. In fact, I’d put it in my top five favorite marriage books.
Here are a few reasons why I give a whole-hearted recommendation to The Mingling of Souls, whether you are single, dating, engaged or married:
The book is a marriage book but points to God as the Creator of marriage. There are no questions about Who made marriage, how He made it, and why He made it. Chandler acknowledges that marriage is about Christ’s deep, sacrificial, eternal love for his bride, and that marriage is an amazing gift and a profound grace (pg.218).
Chandler’s excellent communication style shines through as he teaches about love, marriage, sex and redemption through the Song of Solomon. The book entertained me with his humorous style and kept me interested and wanting more.
Matt speaks to the full continuum of relationships. He starts when we’re young and how it all changes on the "Day of Epiphany" when boys realize girls don’t have cooties and vice versa. He speaks to the dating, courting, engaged and married couple. Chandler also addresses marriage across the lifespan from newlyweds to empty nesters, and spends time speaking to seasons of plenty and seasons of want.
He provides a great set of characteristics to look for in someone you want to date and then helps the reader discern whether or not to move from dating to courtship and to marriage. Many other books tell the individual to focus on a long list of desires in a spouse. Chandler reduces it to a few non-negotiables for the Christian relationship.
Chapter 4 (Wedding Bells) provides a great overview of the purpose of the wedding and the significance of the vows we take when we say, “I do."
Two of my favorite chapters were on sexual intimacy and communication/conflict. In the sex chapter, Chandler provides an overview of what God intends for a couple when it comes to intimacy. The communication chapter provides some excellent practical advice on some “never’s of communication” as well as some suggestions on how to listen well. In a way I appreciate, Chandler makes sure the reader knows it’s not just tips and tricks. Rather, the gospel informs the way we communicate and resolve conflict.
Chapter 7 (Logs on the Fire) is another favorite! In this chapter, Chandler shares a few principles to help you play good offense in your marriage so that you can move towards preventing crises and challenges down the road.
Bottom Line:
The Mingling of Souls by Matt Chandler provides a great resource for individuals and couples all across the life span: single, dating, engaged, married or single again. The book is not a topical exposition of marriage topics (i.e., finances, in-laws), but is rather an exposition of relationships from the Song of Solomon. Chandler points to Jesus throughout the book and his counsel on marriage is biblically-based and Christ-centered from cover to cover. The book captured my attention and left me wanting to read it again. More important, it challenged me in my own marriage and will equip couples to grow if they apply what they read.
My wife and I will use The Mingling of Souls when we meet with couples for two-on-two premarital mentoring. This book receives my highest commendation for marriage books.
If you’re interested in looking over other resources for couples, then please check out my marriage books page.