5 Lessons Learned in 43 Nights of Prayer
Merry Christmas week to you! As I am sure you can relate, ’Tis a week full of excitement and anticipation, along with stress, busyness and anxiety. Ultimately, I hope you experience hope, joy, and gratitude.
I have not been in the writing mood recently. I’m definitely experiencing some level of writer’s block. Combine this with end-of the-year fatigue and the fact that my site got shut down for a few days last week by a Russian malware attack (whatever that is). Monday my site experienced what is known as the "white screen of death" and have wrestled with my website host many times the last week. Add it all up and you will find a non-motivated marriage blogger. First world problems, that’s for sure. Writing insecurities continue to chase after me, and the words “I quit writing” have been uttered at least 10 times in the last week along with a litany of some unsavory words.
But, I know I need to press on. I quit too often and need to learn what it means to persevere, endure and press on.
Speaking of persevering, on November 5 I shared some thoughts on prayer in marriage and how Kristen and I committed to 30 days of prayer with each other every night before we fell asleep. Honestly I never thought we would make it. I share this next fact with some level of insecurity and shame: I am not sure if we ever prayed more than three nights in a row in the past, let alone 30 nights in the row. In fact, I am not sure we prayed with each other three times per month most months.
We are now on 43 nights in a row of praying before we go to bed. Honestly, I am pretty excited about it. Below are a few lessons I have learned along the way.
1. Accountability helps. A lot.
I shared on the blog that we would pray, and I really do think going public with our goal/challenge helped tremendously. Although accountability often provides a good kickstart, it is never a good solution on its own and cannot sustain you in the long run. Ultimately, you need to be convicted for change to take place.
Application: Share your goals with others. When you take on a challenge or promise in marriage, share with community or friends to help you and keep you accountable.
2. Your schedule matters.
We knew we had to get in bed earlier in order to pray before falling asleep. Earlier this year, I knew getting to bed early would be the keystone habit that affected every other part of my life: when I wake up, how I sleep, my attitude and my prayer life with Kristen. We made some minor changes that allowed us to get to bed around 20-30 minutes earlier than usual.
3. Even after praying for 43 nights in a row… Life is still hard and marriage is still hard.
Praying together every night for 43 nights has not fixed every issue, crushed every addiction, perfected our marriage nor removed the sin from our children’s lives. I don’t know what I expected, but our intimacy is not greater or more frequent, and we still argue and conflict just like we did in the past.
4. Most importantly, prayer is not about me. Or you.
Praying with Kristen allows me to shift the focus from my wants, needs and desires to others. I have more consistently prayed to know God than ever before. At times I have felt like Paul in Philippians 3:10: I want to know God. I want to experience intimacy with Him and want to love His people, especially those in my immediate circles.
5. I hit the wife jackpot.
For those of you who know my wife, this might be the most obvious statement I made all year. In 43 nights of prayer, I am more convinced of God’s grace in my life in allowing me to marry Kristen. Her heart/love for Jesus, friends, our family, and for our kids and me is even more apparent after praying with her for 43 nights in a row. I am blown away by God’s grace to me in giving me Kristen.
It's not been easy...
Some of the 43 nights felt like survival mode. One or both of us find ourselves falling asleep while praying or listening to the prayers of the other. Those nights became more like praying over your spouse rather than praying with your spouse. A few nights we were long distance and couldn’t talk on the phone. Instead, we texted our prayers to each other.
The last few weeks I have had greater intimacy with Jesus than I have in a long time. My heart is more open to truth and to the needs of others. I have cried in church four weeks in a row. I have had a greater sense of peace than I can remember in a while.
Is this greater intimacy connected to 43 nights of prayer in a row with Kristen? Maybe 100%. Maybe not at all. Regardless, I know I am leading my wife and more importantly, I know I am obediently following God’s commands and desires in my life.
Your Turn:
Christmas is almost here. One of the best ways for you to show your love to your spouse is to pray with him or her. Don’t overcomplicate it. You can do it. One day at a time. I’m telling you: if we can go from a personal record of two-three nights of prayer in a row to 43 nights (and counting), then you can do it as well. Praying with your spouse is absolutely worth it!