A Practical Example of How to Measure Marital Grit
In Parts One and Two in this 3-Part series on marital grit, I shared 5 ways a married couple can proactively work on their marriage. Couples can develop more grit (passion and endurance) in the following ways: mental, emotional, physical, social/relational, and spiritual.
Today I want to give a behind-the-curtain, practical look at some ways Kristen and I are doing a good job of developing grit. I will also share a few ways we need to take some ground to help us better proactively build our marriage. In each of the five buckets mentioned above, I’ll share an area where we are doing well and an area where we need to take ground.
Where are we doing well?
1. Mental - I’ve shared about "The Weekly Meeting" in the past, but in this weekly couple time, Kristen and I sit down and discuss our calendar and schedule for the week. We make sure we’re on the same page for all the opportunities and commitments our family has in the upcoming week.
2. Emotional - We both do a good job of creating a safe place for the other to share and process the goods and bads of life, parenting and relationships. We believe the best about each other (1 Corinthians 13:8) and do all we can to allow each other to keep things real.
3. Physical - In spite of a busy couple of weeks (see #’s 1 and 3 below), we’ve done a good job of pursuing each other sexually. We’re not setting any records, but we make sexual intimacy a priority. Thank you, Lord!
4. Social/relational - In a few days, Kristen and I are getting away to San Diego for a friend’s wedding. We can't wait to get some time together as a couple away from kids and work. My amazing in-laws are watching the boys so that we can make sure that we get some needed time away.
5. Spiritual - As many of you know, I struggle with overeating and poor stewardship of my body and health. Kristen is doing a great job of partnering with me in my sin battle and struggle. She is making some sacrifices to help me take some ground.
Where do we need to develop more grit?
1. Mental - There are seasons when we, in many ways, co-exist as a couple. We communicate okay, we don’t argue and we get stuff done, but we’re not taking the time to really grow in understanding our spouse. I have not made ‘studying’ Kristen a priority the past few weeks. Kristen would say the same about a lack of studying me as well.
2. Emotional - Similar to my note above in mental, I think Kristen has done a good job of listening to me as I have wrestled through some challenges the past few weeks. I don’t think I have done a great job of doing the same for her, of putting down the phone and listening and asking good questions. Apart from doing this exercise and studying grit, I don’t think I would’ve realized what a poor job I’m doing in this arena.
3. Physical - We’re not getting enough sleep these days. If we’re truly going to have the energy and stamina to do all that God has called us to do as a couple, then we need to do a better job of sleeping and resting.
4. Social/Relational - We have some great friends in our lives, but due to some decisions we previously made on our calendar, we’re not doing a great job of spending time with friends. If we’re going to grow in this area, we need to make relational time with friends and mentors a priority.
5. Spiritual - We started going through a devotional together as a couple a few weeks ago, but quit about 25% of the way through. We’d like to pick up the study again to help us grow spiritually.
Your Turn:
I think this would be a great exercise for any married couple to do together. Look over parts one and two on grit, and then sit down and discuss as a couple where you’re doing a good job of being gritty and where you need to grow as a couple.