Do You Know How to Speak Your Spouse's Language?
In a few weeks, Kristen and I will celebrate 14 years of marriage. A few moments ago, I picked up a box of notes my wife gave to me on our 13th anniversary. Every month, I open up one of these notes from my wife. Each month the note contains a different encouragement about a specific part of our relationship. For instance, in one note, Kristen encouraged me for the way I walk through my sin struggles. In another note she shared with me how much she appreciates our differences and how we walk through marriage together as two unique individuals.
Kristen knows me well. She knows how to live with me in an understanding way (1 Peter 3:7). She knows our differences, appreciates them and celebrates them. I hope I do the same with her, knowing that if I don’t live with her in an understanding way, that my prayers will be hindered.
Sometimes I believe we overcomplicate gifts. We guess too much, think too much and spend too much. Sometimes the best gifts just take a little bit of time and cost only a few bucks. 12 notes written on 12 note cards? Less than $10. The value? As Mastercard would say, priceless.
In a similar fashion, a few years ago for Christmas, Kristen and the boys gave me a jar of notes called "365 Reasons We Love Daddy." Every day I opened the jar and pulled out a small slip of paper with a reason why my kids or my wife love me. For example: “You take us out for Donuts” (from Duncan). Or, “You play basketball with us” (from Carson). The cost of this gift?
$1.99 for a jar of apple sauce
Less than $5 for paint pens
Less than $10 for printer paper and scissors to cut the paper
~$20 for a years-worth of ink to print the paper.
The value? Again, priceless. 365 Reasons Why My Wife and Kids Love Me - How can I possibly place a value on this!?!?
One of the keys to our success in marriage is how much we value, love and celebrate our differences. We know how to speak each other’s love languages.
Dr. Chapman writes about the five love languages in the book The 5 Love Languages. According to Chapman, the five love languages are physical touch, acts of service, receiving gifts, words of affirmation and quality time.
I have been writing on this site for about 18 months and this is only the second time I brought up Dr. Chapman’s Love Languages. I do think this is a great book and resource for couples to discover their own love language. Even more important, we can discover the love language of our significant other, so that we can better serve them and put their desires before our own.
You can read more about the book here (The 5 Love Languages), and you can even take your own Love Language inventory to learn your love language and the love language of your significant other. Typically we express love in a different way than our spouse. Chapman's book allows us to live with each other in an understanding way, speaking their language rather than our own.
Your Turn:
Take the Love Languages Inventory and compare with your significant other. What is one way you can serve your significant other by speaking their love language?
What are some differences between you and your significant other? Do you appreciate and value your differences, or do your differences just drive you crazy?