What if your marriage was marked by encouragement?
I’ve been in full-time marriage ministry for over 17 years and married for 22 years. I’ve seen it countless times and experienced it consistently in my own marriage. Couples everywhere struggle with a specific problem and Kristen and I can completely relate.
Most married couples do not and will not pray together. And it’s hurting our marriages. We all know we “should” pray together and many of us desire to pray together, but when push comes to shove, most couples don’t pray outside of blessing food/meals.
But there’s some good news. This is something we can do. And it matters. Big time.
A 1997 Gallup study done by the National Association of Marriage Enhancement showed the divorce rate for couples who regularly prayed together is 1 out of 1,152 couples. Let that sink in: only 1 out of 1,152 couples who pray together regularly get divorced! While statistics on the actual divorce rate vary in different studies, no study shows the divorce rate anywhere near less than 1%.
But if a couple will regularly pray together, the divorce rate is incredibly low - much lower than 1%!
Yet… only 11% of couples pray together consistently. Why is this the case? Excuses abound, and as a result, couples miss out on the blessings and strength that come by praying together. I hate to admit it, but Kristen and I prayed together very inconsistently, at best, for most of our marriage. A few years ago we started praying together, out loud on a consistent basis, and it has greatly strengthened our marriage.
I want you to learn from our mistakes. I want you to start praying together today. It’s never too late.
That’s why I wrote my new book, The Ready or Knot Prayer Guide. The book is primarily written for seriously dating and engaged couples, but any married couple can read this book and pray the prayers together. The book focuses on Christlike attributes; in fact, I don’t want couples to pray for their marriage. Rather, I want them to pray that they would each become more like Christ, and that their marriage would be marked by Christlike attributes. I believe a husband and wife who both seek to become more like Christ will have a great marriage.
The Ready or Knot Prayer Guide: 100 Prayers for Dating and Engaged Couples
The book comes out on October 17, 2023, and if you pre-order the book before October 17th, you’ll get some great bonuses (a guide to why couples don’t pray and what to do about it and an exclusive discussion between me and my wife about our prayer journey as a couple). You will also be entered into a drawing for some fun prizes! You can find out more about the book here (The Ready or Knot Prayer Guide) and then fill out this form when you pre-order the book!
Below you will find a sample of one of the entries: Encouraging. As you can see, each entry includes a key passage, a short devotional, and a prayer you and your significant other can pray together!
I hope you will check out my new book, but even more so, I hope you will begin or continue the habit of praying together daily with your spouse. There’s so much at stake in marriage—it’s worth the sacrifice of time to pray with each other.
Encouraging
But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. Hebrews 3:13
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but life is filled with strife—financial, relational, spiritual, and so much more. Every aspect of life is marked by sin and difficulty. If we’re not careful, these challenges can make us cynical. The writer of Hebrews said we need to be careful that we don’t become hardened by these trials, and we need daily encouragement. Most of us are quick to criticize and critique but are much slower to encourage.
Marriage provides you with a unique opportunity to wake up and fall asleep next to your spouse every day. Who better to provide them daily encouragement both morning and night than you? God gives you the amazing privilege of encouraging your spouse daily as you get to help them battle the deceitfulness of sin.
What can it look like to encourage your spouse? Encouragement is one of my strongest gifts, so I’ll share a few ways I’ve done this over our twenty-plus years of marriage.
Send a personalized text to your (future) spouse. Be specific with your encouragement. For example, don’t just say, “You’re amazing!” Say, “The way you cared for your friend today showed me how much you love others and consider them more important than yourself.”
Write encouraging notes. Leave sticky notes on the steering wheel, in their Bible, on the bathroom mirror. Write down an inside joke or tell them you’re praying for them.
Share a Bible verse. Nothing encourages us more than comfort and truth from God’s Word. Share a verse with your future spouse, reminding them of the goodness of God.
Pray for them. Pray for your spouse in person and when you’re away from them. Pray God would help their heart not be hardened by sin.
You can put this into practice today. Text, call, or pray for your significant other, and specifically encourage them with something God-honoring you see in them. So often we wait and think we’ll get to it later. If you wait, often you’ll forget. Encourage them today!
Heavenly Father, thank You for the truth of Your Word and for the body of Christ. Thank You that You don’t leave us alone but give us Your Word, Spirit, and people to encourage us. We pray that our marriage will be marked by Christlike encouragement and that we will be a husband and wife who encourage each other so that we’re not hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.
Your Turn:
What’s one way you can encourage your spouse today? Leave a comment below so we can learn from each other!
(Note: The excerpt above is used by permission of Baker Books).